Where do we go from here?

Literally, where do we go?

If you take a look at any cruise company’s website these days, you will see a LOT of cruises to Norway and the Baltic.

Why?

Because there is nowhere else that is safe to go.

Let’s start with the Mediterranean: Italy, fine. Turkey, fine. Syria,? Erm, no. Israel? No, because for some reason the cruise companies have had an almighty attack of cowardice, despite the fact that the Foreign Office have no problem with us going there. Egypt? Nope, not at the moment. Libya? Nope, no visits to Leptis Magna for us any time soon. Tunisia? Er… Malta, phew, yes! Let’s go to Malta!

So the only cruises available in any number at the moment are to the Western Med. Precious little, if anything at all for the Eastern Med.

Okay, so that’s the Med. What about the Caribbean? After all, US ships go virtually nowhere else? Well, it’s okay, but it’s not 100% cheery there either:

Robbed in St Lucia

Shot in Barbados

The cruise companies may well soon start avoiding certain islands altogether.

Of course, this isn’t every island and these incidents make the news because they are so unusual, but the overcautious nature of cruise companies, particularly those owned by Carnival, an American firm, who start with the assumption you are going to sue them and work backwards from there, means that avoidance may become the name of the game in very short order.

And then there is South America. Let’s go the Falkland Islands and see the penguins. Well, we were going to go to Argentina. And, of course,we’re not allowed to do both…

What about the Indian Ocean and the Pacific? In the past, we have been turned away from the Seychelles (pirates), Bangkok (bombs), Tokyo (too crowded!)… the list goes on.

So, the world is literally getting smaller, both for the populace as a whole, but particularly for cruise ship passengers, and I have a feeling it is only going to get smaller, as cruise companies avoid more and more places for fear of what might happen.

I don’t want to make you miserable, but you may just want to bear it in mind when you’re planning your next jaunt. There may well be at least one place, possibly more, you get diverted away from, possibly with very little notice or warning.

I would be interested if any of my readers have been anywhere that might be perceived as a bit dodgy recently, and how it was for you. Please let me know, and maybe together we can persuade the cruise companies that there is more to life than fjords.

P&O stops Argentina stops

P&O Cruises UK has today announced (although we, as passengers, already knew) that for the foreseeable future, P&O ships will not be docking in any ports in Argentina. This is because of the continuing political tension regarding the Falkland Islands.

P&O cruise firm stops Argentine port stops

Recently, Argentina has been turning away ships that have already visited the Falklands and refusing them permission to dock, anyway, so this is purely an extension of their own policy, really. If they don’t want the fairly well-heeled passengers that travel by P&O to spend their money in their country, that’s fine with us.

It’s a shame for some passengers, because Ushaia is the jumping off point for excursions to the Antarctic, but that’s where we stand.

Ironically, I think it’s actually rather hard to dock in the Falklands. Cruise Critic.co.uk explains (Stanley Cruises – CruiseCritic.co.uk), “The area is so windswept and the seas around it so fierce that only about half of the cruise ships scheduled to call at Port Stanley actually make it. Since there is no dock, even if the ships themselves can get into the harbor, the tenders are often unable to handle the wind and high seas. It’s no great surprise, then, to discover that the harbour itself and the areas surrounding it has more shipwrecks from the 19th-century shipping trade than any other harbour in the world … some 20 hulls are actually visible from the town when the tide is out.” So some passengers may end up seeing neither the Falklands nor Argentina!

Mind you, the odds of seeing Port Stanley are still better than for getting into St Helena. I met a man who had visited St Helena four times and had never got ashore, because the swell can reach 40 feet. Forty feet.

South America is a big place, mind you, so I’m sure the passengers will still enjoy their cruises. But it’s interesting to see P&O taking a stand. Bon voyage.

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,300 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

P&O act more shamefully than ever

My parents booked a cruise to the Eastern Mediterranean. The itinerary was as follows:

Vigo
Lisbon
Athens
Izmir
Istanbul
Rhodes
Haifa
Ashdod
La Valletta
Cadiz

How many people reading this think the primary reason people booked this cruise was to visit Cadiz? Of course not, it was Haifa and Ashdod. It was known as the Holy Land cruise. Most of the passengers, for whatever reason, wanted to see Israel.

This cruise was booked over a year ago, so the recent issues could not have been foreseen, let’s be fair. But passengers were told beforehand that Ashdod would be bypassed. Fair enough, some rockets landed in Ashdod in November, that doesn’t seem unreasonable.

The unreasonable bit is that AFTER BOARDING, the passengers were told that Haifa was also cancelled. Not before, which would have allowed the option to cancel, turn back or claim a refund. AFTER boarding, trapped on board, with luggage swallowed by the cabin distribution system. THAT’s shameful.

It is also unreasonable. There is no Foreign and Commonwealth Office advisory against travel to Israel. There is, obviously, an advisory against travel to Gaza and within 40 km of Gaza. Haifa is 140 km from Gaza and has not been touched by rockets or any of the recent conflict. There is no excuse for cancelling Haifa, other than cowardice or prejudice.

Whichever, the passengers are devastated and distressed, as many who are unwilling or unable to fly, saw this as their only chance to visit the Holy Land.

Today, I learned that the passengers are now being scared witless by P&O with dire warnings about their visits to Greece and Turkey also being “dangerous”. They’re still being taken there, but being intimidated nonetheless.

So they can’t go to a safe place in case it becomes dangerous, but they are being taken to places considered dangerous but which are also probably safe.

I am becoming increasingly concerned about P&O’s behaviour and in particular their attitude towards their passengers. Terrorising and imprisoning people who have paid good money for a pleasant holiday is and must not be considered acceptable behaviour.

They are still on the ship as I type.

Cruises Undercover: The Truth Below Deck

On 1st October 2012, Channel 4 broadcast an episode of their Dispatches current affairs programme entitled “Cruises Undercover: The Truth Below Deck”. It started at 8 pm and ran for 30 minutes.

It was filmed on the Celebrity Eclipse, which, like most cruise ships serving the British cruise industry, sails under a flag of convenience. This means that the ship is registered in a country with less stringent laws, so that they don’t have to keep to the standards of a more demanding country. This applies to all aspects of the ship, including health and safety, hygiene and, as focussed on here, employment law. Frankly, I think we should be just as worried about the other two!

Before I discuss the issues raised, and not raised, in the programme, I need to clarify the starting point. The presenter, Tazeen Ahmad, has evidently never experienced anything like four or five star accommodation. Almost the first thing she says is how “opulent” the ship is. As an example of the level of ignorant and fatuous we are going to have to deal with, she actually says the words, “It really is like a five star hotel”. Of course it is, you stupid woman, it IS a five star hotel. She keeps bleating on about the size of the cruise industry (£21 billion a year business, 1.75 million people last year took a cruise), as if the sheer size of the industry should be enough to annoy us. Then she shows us her cabin. “It feels really comfortable and spacious”. Well, dear, it jolly well ought to. You have an outside stateroom with balcony on one of the most expensive ships in Europe. Apparently, having a “really nice bathroom and balcony and patio doors that you can just fling open” (no, really, those are her words), is somehow sinful and evil and shocking. Not following the logic thus far, Tazeen, but I’m sure I’ll catch up with you at some point. Apart from anything else, I’m not being paid to go on a cruise ship and enjoy myself and I can’t afford an outside stateroom with balcony, either.

But then she really blows the viewer’s mind. “On top of luxury, holiday makers also want value for money”. Really? How odd. “Nearly half of all UK cruise goers spend less than £1000 and take a week-long trip”. Well, no matter what kind of holiday I’m on, I’d be thinking twice if I was paying more than £100 a day per person for a shared room. That’s just NORMAL, dear. The first time I watched this programme, I actually wondered if Tazeen has never taken a holiday before in her entire life. In the UK, never mind abroad. She either has no sense of perspective, nor any idea of what things cost or she’s just trying to wind up the viewer so we’ll be extra angry when she finally gets to the point she’s supposed to be making. Three minutes in and still waiting on that, though.

Two minutes more, and at last she gets to the point. It’s about those working as crew and staff. She states, “Many of those… are from poor countries, where their wages can support whole families”. Isn’t that a good thing?! Is it not the whole point that one person’s wages supporting a whole family just makes them the breadwinner? Isn’t that the basis of much of family income across the globe? Granted, in some countries, a family can include more children and more siblings and older members than perhaps a UK nuclear family may contain, but if one person’s wages supports them all, then the children can go to school and not have to go out to work to help support everyone. This sounds like a good thing to me, but then I may understand global economics slightly better than Tazeen, who doesn’t seem to know much about anything at all, judging from her incredulous tone, which is a grating constant throughout.

This nonsense continues for some time. They put in an undercover reporter as a waiter. He is a white man in his thirties, which probably makes him stick out like a sore thumb below stairs. He works around 100 hours a week for what turns out to be about £1 an hour after deductions, including uniform and medical and visa costs. He earns twenty US dollars for 12 days and at the end, including tips, he gets £532.59.

So, shock horror, he had to work hard. 16-hour days. Poor petal. There are plenty of people who work harder than that. In fact, if he had been on board during a norovirus outbreak, he would have had to work 21-hour days, 16 would have been a wistful memory. She also completely omitted turn-around day, when every steward and waiter becomes a baggage handler for the day. Now THAT is hard work.
There were two genuinely serious points made (badly) by the programme.

Firstly, by using a flag of convenience, Celebrity, which is part of the same group as P&O Cruises, can bypass UK employment law, which now states that tips cannot be used as salary. They must be an extra. But we’ve only had that law since 2009, ourselves, so we’re not really in a position to criticise other countries for not keeping up, are we?! We also have a minimum wage. Malta does not. Neither, I believe, does Bermuda, which is the flag that P&O Cruises use.

Unfortunately, Tazeen also skips the paid overtime, free room and board, mandatory rest periods, medical care and sick pay, not to mention the chance to SEE THE WORLD. They’re not skivvies; this is not a slave galley. They get to go ashore and party like the rest of us. Just not as often. But trust me, if you want to know the best places to eat, drink, shop and visit in a new port, you should always ask your waiter. They will have been there before. This manifest bias rather dilutes the important points she was trying to make.

The second is the scandal of agents in these people’s home countries, charging hundreds, if not thousands of pounds, for the privilege of being put on a ship. They call themselves employment agents, but they are con men, ripping off those just trying to make a living for their families. That is a heart-breaking scandal and Carnival should be doing more to stamp it out.

But I have spoken to waiters and one said to me, “I will work another three years (so eight in total), then I will go home and use the money to buy a bar on the beach and retire”. How upset would you be if someone said to you, ‘You’ll have to work doubly hard but you can retire in EIGHT YEARS?’

Sadly, this documentary portrays a very skewed picture of the cruise industry, omitting any possible good or mitigation, and thus, it rather damages the points it was trying to make, just by sounding so spiteful and mean. In fact, I would describe Tazeen as sounding mostly jealous and petulant, and the quality of the ensuing journalism was decidedly limited.

The cruise industry is far from perfect, but it’s not the evil, decadent and maleficent monstrosity that Tazeen Ahmad and her editor would have us believe. Cruise away with a clear conscience.

Three pieces of news of varying levels of excitingness

I have two pieces of news, well, three actually.  As with all the best PowerPoint presentations you have ever been forced to sit through, I shall set them out in bullet point form. Well, why not? Apart from anything else, I have the sun in my eyes, and it’s easier for me to find the cursor!

1. I will be tweaking this site over the next few days/weeks. I should be grateful for any comments, suggestions you may have as to whether these changes are better or worse, a la optician’s eye test. “Better 1 or better 2”? Please email me or comment below or find me on Facebook. 

2. I have a new blog, called Mpinion, which will be filled with pretty much any stuff I feel the urge to write that does not relate to cruising and does not occur to me on a cruise ship.  If you would like to read it, I will let you have the link on request, or will post it when i have worked out what it is… :-S Please note, it will be my personal opinions, You may not always agree with me. But then, that’s half the fun, isn’t it?!

Edit: The address of the new blog, in case you are interested, is http://mpinion.wordpress.com/

3. The next cruise is booked. Well, there are several, but I’m only going on one – the parents are going without me on the other(s)!  The next one that I will be going on is a way off. It’s March 2014.  Yes, that’s right. That’s booked a long way ahead, even for us. Not next year, but the year after next.  But it was so popular, we actually had to go on a waiting list, because the whole cruise sold out within days of going on sale.  

I have been searching for a cruise going to these destinations for several years, and it has been very hard going. I wanted my mother to see the Northern Lights, but there was not one cruise ship in the entire United Kingdom, Northern Ireland and the Channel Islands that was a “no fly” cruise to Norway.  And my mother won’t fly.  Frankly, after watching that documentary where they deliberately crashed a plane to see what would happen, I’m not so keen any more, myself!

So I kept looking and looking. I even tried joining two together – one to get us from Southampton to Norway and another to get us up near enough to the Arctic. But that was prohibitively expensive, unsurprisingly.  But now there is. Now you see why it sold out so quickly.  Apparently we are not the only people in the entire UK who want to see the Northern Lights without flying.  Who’da thunk?! We have now made it to the top of the waiting list and we are now booked. Huzzah. I hope there will be other cruises in the meantime, obviously, otherwise this blog will go very quiet(!)(stop cheering at the back!), but in the meantime, please see items 1 and 2 to help pass the yawning but not quite interminable wait until 2014 rolls around.

The Hangover

Home again, home again, jiggety jig. The last night was superb. Dinner was lovely and we said our goodbyes. We went to the theatre to hear Anton sing before he leaves P&O to start his recording contract. He was brilliant.

Then down the other end for Eighties Hour followed by a Pub Night. Silly games, tv theme quiz and so on. Our team won by a landslide, largely thanks to us getting 9 out of 10 on the tv themes. Well, can YOU sing the theme to The Price is Right?! No, exactly. Nine out of ten.

Unfortunately, the prize was a bottle of wine. Flo doesn’t drink, Yvonne had had plenty by then, i can’t drink wine, because it makes me ill, and Donna went to bed. Which just left poor Welsh Sue from Swansea to drink the whole blinking bottle. To her credit it, she managed it, but she could barely stand by the end! We danced til about 2, which was fine, because the clocks go back tonight, so we all get an extra hour in bed. Yay!

Sadly, Saturday is Chucking Off day. They start shouting at you in the cabins at 8am and at 9, my stewardess actually threw me out so she could turn my cabin around. Mum and Dad booked a taxi and dropped me at the station. Train into Waterloo, tube to parents’ house. Easy peasy, no? No. Not during the Olympics. It was like rush hour in a heatwave the whole way. Standing room only all over the place. Hard work. Then the drive home, petrol fillup, tesco shop (empty fridge syndrome) and then home.

It’s the silence that’s weird. Not hearing the constant hum of the aircon. I think i’ve almost stopped swaying, though, which is nice. So here endeth the Norway cruise. I hope you’ve enjoyed the blog. If you have any questions, let me know. Til the next time.

Yet Another Port Day – Stavanger – 2 August 2012

Part 6
Yet Another Port Day – Stavanger

Lordy, I need a rest. Fourth Port Day in four days. Enough already. Lie in or no lie in, it’s still too much.

We disembarked late, about half ten. Weather: overcast but mild. Very grey. We walked the length of the ship to get to the security gate. I spotted a Hop On Hop Off bus, so we walked back outside the security fence (almost the length of the ship, again) to the apparent bus stop and waited. A bus duly pitched up. The driver was very apologetic, but he was completely full. He said another would be along in 10 minutes and that we should wait right where we were for that one. We sat and waited. The next bus duly came, pulled into the parking area and drove straight past us like we weren’t there. Now, we weren’t the only people waiting, there were about half a dozen of us, and he DID have empty seats, I could see them, but he didn’t even brake. I will be writing a letter. That’s just not on. Granted, there’s not a massive amount to see, but it would have been nice to have seen what there was. We seem to have parked next to the main sight, which was the White Houses of the Old Town, but there were another 9 stops, there might have been SOMETHING of interest. But now we will never know, will we?

Note: wherever you are in the world, if you get on a Hop On Hop Off with the red, yellow and purple livery, keep your ticket – it entitles you to a discount off the same company’s buses everywhere else in the world. So if you take a tour in York or London or Edinburgh, you get a discount if you present your ticket in Paris, Rome or New York. Of course, not much use to know this in Stavanger, where you will see buses but be unable to board, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.

So we walked into the town. Luckily, most of it is waterfront cafes and shops, so it wasn’t far. We browsed and wandered with ease. We couldn’t find an open restaurant that did suitable food (plenty of closed ones, which seemed odd with 5000 cruise passengers about), so we had no choice but to refuel in Burger King, where the guy at the counter was just so relieved we weren’t another dozen shouting German teenagers (the Costa Fortuna was also in port – Germans love Costa ships), that he treated us like royalty. And it had a disabled toilet, so no stairs for mum. Nice touch.

More wandering and shopping (H&M is really cheap here!) and then back to the ship by teatime. Stavanger is a fairly large city, but has very little by way of sights to see or prettiness to offer.

Things to be aware of if you come to Norway: Salg is sale. Taak is thank you. Appel is orange, Eple is apple. Feel free to re-read that if you feel the need.

Last formal night tonight. Black and White. Wearing the very dress, which I do love. It is very comfortable and seems completely uncreasable. I’m not sure which quality pleases me most!

Dinner was lovely. The roast beef was superb, although the fondant dessert was very overcooked and no longer had a liquid centre. But we had a lovely time anyway.

The continuing beauty of the landscapes we pass carried on throughout dinner as we left our last fjord. I took some photos so you can see what the view is like from our table. The bars in the picture are unavoidable, I’m afraid. They are there to reinforce the glass against large waves. The restaurant is on desk 6, which is only about thirty feet above sea level, so the risk is a little increased down at that level.

After dinner, Yvonne and I had a drink and a natter until it was time to go to the cinema. We saw The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, which was superb. Unfortunately, one of the speakers in the cinema has blown, so the sound was at half volume and accompanied by a significant buzz from the dead speaker throughout. Not ideal for the hard of hearing, so bearing in mind the average age on here, which although lower than on a long cruise, is still significantly up on the real world, the whole thing must have been very trying.

And so to Harlequins, the nightclub, for the disco. Danced til three and hung out with some very nice people, although one Welshman told me I came from the wrong valley, which seemed a tad harsh! It was surprising how few people had obeyed the black and white theme. Normally most people obey but there are one or two who don’t grasp the concept. But last night, it was a significant proportion of the women present – maybe 1% or more. It is a shame, because there is an aesthetic that is being spoiled for everyone else. Black and white night is very pretty, and yet these people who simply cannot read the newspaper or don’t care or are deliberately being malicious and disobedient, mar it for everyone else. In the grand scheme of things, if that’s the worst thing that happens to me all day, I’m doing pretty fine, but it’s still a shame. Made the DJ finish with Happy Days, which made everyone smile.

And so the cruise draws to a close. Tomorrow is the last day, a sea day, thank heavens, and the clocks will go back tomorrow night, so the early start on Saturday morning won’t feel like quite such an early start. I have a massage booked in the morning, not as early as Yvonne’s, though. I’m eager to have one, but not eager enough to be up at 9am. I am still on holiday, just. I am pretty much packed and I have received my disembarkation paperwork, so all that is left now is to download the last photos, use up the internet time and work out how I’m going to transport the rather fragile items I purchased on my travels. Which, as I am going home on public transport, is not an insignificant issue.

Wednesday 1 August 2012 – Olden

A fairly leisurely start. Woken at about 7am when the ship slowed down and I had to put my wristbands on. Then got up properly about 9.  We were booked on a boat trip, which always feels like an odd thing to do when on a cruise – get off a ship, get on a boat.  But this was a lovely, relaxing trip across Lake Olden, just lying on the deck in the sun admiring the scenery, which is breathtaking, and getting to know fellow passengers (one of whom has no recollection of having danced with me the night before last!). Our guide was a bit old and doddery but pleasant enough and the coach trip back was uneventful but with a couple of rather lovely photo stops.

 Image

I got off in town, having been told it was 1km to walk back to the ship. Browsed the shops, ate in the only eatery in town, which was a pub up a rather vertiginous staircase, and then back to the ship for the regulation nap.  That was NOT a 1km walk. I was shattered and woke up with screaming cramp. Had to get dad to go and buy some tonic water and bring it to me, because I was in too much agony to move. I had cramp up the FRONT of my calf. You try stretching that. 

 At dinner, there were balloons on the table and Tony had found some on his door in the morning too.  He also got a card from the Captain, as well as the one from us.  Dinner was roast lamb, which was very nice.  After dinner, we went to the show, which was songs from musicals.  Again, there was a slideshow before it started, and again there were some dreadful spelling mistakes.  It really is inexcusable.

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Then rounded off the evening with a disco called “Dancing Through the Decades”, which is the same as the usual disco but in a different room and with the bad band for some of it and all the Ents Officers dressed in silly outfits.  It transpires that DJ James rather fancies Yvonne, who sadly could not be less interested.  Very funny to watch, though.  It also turns out that Tony and Sandra do a mean jive. Who knew?! Pumpkin time at midnight. Fourth port day in a row tomorrow.  Urgh.

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31 July 2012 – Andalsnes (pronounced Ondulsnes)

No tenders. Told to be on the quayside for 9.40 to catch a train we thought was at 10.15. It turned out it WAS at 10.15. And it was raining. Nowhere to sit and nowhere to shelter. We got SOAKED. Very unkind, P&O, very unkind, and totally unnecessary.

The train, when it came, was very luxurious and clean and we had a wonderful trip through the mountains, up to Bjorli (pronounced like the British motor museum – Bewli), which is Norway’s southernmost ski resort with six months of snow (!). Took loads of photos of amazing scenery.

Andalsnes is slightly messy at the moment, because the International Base Jumping Championships arrive next week. Andalsnes has several mountains just outside town with sheer granite drops of several hundred metres – it breaks in a similar way to slate – so it is the base jumping capital of the world, apparently. It is spectacular stuff, but as there are no motor vehicles allowed in the national park, apparently, they have to climb the mountain before they can throw themselves off of it!

Long queues for the surprisingly pleasant two toilets at the station. A lady asked to buy one of my t-shirts, so I gave her my email address. I was wearing the one that reads: “I might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy” and she wants one. Clearly a lady with much taste, oh yes. Then a coach back down to town, with several photo/shopping stops, and a commentary conducive to dozing. A really wonderful trip.

We then walked the few hundred yards into town and ate a rather odd restaurant in a marquee on the quayside. I had a homemade burger, which had pieces of yellow and red pepper mixed in, which made it quite sweet and very tasty indeed. I’m not sure the sweetcorn on top was such a good idea, logistically at least. Mum and Dad ordered a small pizza to share. A SMALL one.

We then wandered around the two streets of shops, where I bought a top and some more Norwegian Kitkats. Then we’d run out of shops and stuff to do, so we went back to the ship and I napped til dinner. Dinner was delicious. I had fried loin of haddock in panko breadcrumbs, which I had never heard of, but Sandra said it’s the best bit and has no bones, which was all the recommendation I needed. Turns out she was right, it was superb. Mum’s trout came with almonds sprinkled on, which, bearing in mind she is listed in the kitchen and at the waiters station as having a nut allergy, shows that the lack of attention to detail is spreading, sadly.

After dinner, Yvonne and I went to watch the ballroom dancers and the band with the bad singers until it was time to go to the show, a Queen tribute show, which is so popular they have to do three performances, rather than the usual two. Front row seats. Had a brill time. The Headliners are superb. Must learn the name of the lead girl, as she is OUTSTANDING. Then disco til 2, midnight snack (crackers and butter) in the Al Fresco restaurant and then blog and bed. ANOTHER port day tomorrow. Crumbs.