Bora Bora

Or not, as the case may be. The entry to Bora Bora is through a gap in a coral reef. It is VERY shallow – around 10 metres – and our draught is eight. It is also only as wide as the ship is long, so we would not have much leeway on either side. One strong gust of wind would be devastating.  We were going to have to tender ashore anyway. We’re not. It’s far too windy and rough (wind about 40 knots (50mph) allegedly), so even if we got through without doing any damage to ourselves or the reef, we couldn’t put the tenders down anyway, because the wind, waves and swell are too great. In fact, the whole ship has been juddering against the force of it all for a couple of hours, so it was going to be a long shot. If the weather was predicted to improve later in the day, the Captain might have tried to wait it out, but this looks pretty set in, so we’re leaving.

So farewell Bora Bora. It was nice looking at you through the raindrops on the mastcam channel on the telly.

No postcards from Bora Bora, people, sorry.

No land now til Tauranga on Thursday. Just seven more sea days.

SMALL VICTORIES: Dad asked the Hotel Manager why, when he asked to clarify what time we were leaving a port, he was told he “shouldn’t have that list” which we had been given showing the (provisional) departure times for every port on the cruise. We are the passengers. If anyone has a right to know what time we are leaving a port, it’s us! We have been photocopying the list and handing it out to our mates, but last night, after dinner, EVERYONE got a proper printed copy from the Hotel Manager delivered to their postbox. We won one.

FEELING GUILTY: For something that is entirely without my control, but still. It bothers me that the bottled water now being delivered to the cabins is no longer Uruguayan local, but now labelled by Nestlé, and bottled in Chile. I hate Nestlé. Have done ever since the baby milk boycott at uni. I still feel uncomfortable every time they get my money, and I try to keep such instances to a minimum. But in this instance, it has already been purchased and brought on board, so Nestlé have already had their cut, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I might question the claim on the front that says ‘Libre de Sodio’, when the ingredients list on the back says 1mg per 100ml. My Spanish ain’t all that, I’ll grant you, but I find those two statements incompatible.  It is also past it s Best Before date. By a month. Now, I know the difference between Best Before and Use By, but, as I paid for it, it could be argued that P&O have broken UK law. They’ll claim they’re not covered by UK law, OBViously, but it’s an interesting point, if I fancy stirring. Frankly, not sure I can be bothered.

OW: So much swimming is playing havoc with my eyes. The chlorine seems to dry them out and no amount of eye drops seems to help. May have to rest the laps for a day or too, to give them a rest.

By ‘eck it’s bumpy. It seems the weather system hanging over Bora Bora is either wider than expected, or possibly actually deteriorating.

Went for a siesta after lunch. Woke just in time for dinner! Everyone I spoke to in the evening had also been sleeping a lot. It’s so hard to stay awake when it’s rocking so soothingly. Still very rough, so staying still is the preferred option. If you’re not standing up or walking about, the ground cannot move out from underneath you. Not much internet signal.

A quiet day, all in all. I think today was Day 40. We have done one third of our total voyage already. Doesn’t time fly when you’re enjoying yourself?

Thursday – it’s definitely Thursday – Tahiti, French Polynesia

The announcement came through at almost exactly 7.30 am that we have been given clearance to go ashore. Really? Why? NOTHING will be open. The taxi drivers will be barely conscious and hardly civil. There will be nothing to see and nothing to do. This is FRANCE, people. Nothing starts till 11! Stay in bed a while longer and adjust to YET ANOTHER bloody time zone jump. We are now at GMT -10, and frankly, I’m beyond discombobulated now. I have no clue about anything any more. I need to start writing my name in my clothes in case I forget.

Got off about 10.30 ish and began the negotiations with the taxi drivers. The one at the front of the line really did not seem interested in taking us on a one-hour tour. Apparently, they think it takes four hours to see their island. And he had absolutely no intention of speaking any English to us. Why would we want a tour guide we could not communicate with?! (He didn’t know I speak French, and I decided that he didn’t need to know). But then a lady stepped in and offered to take us. She spoke perfect English and was very pleasant, so we went with her. Turned out she was a taxi driver and so we went down the line to her van. She then moved the barriers so we could drive away without waiting for grumpy git at the front of a line to get a job (or a personality). He must have done, because when we got back, he was gone. Although maybe he just gave up and went home. When I said the taxi drivers would be grumpy and unobliging, I didn’t think it would be quite so prescient.

She drove us to Venus Point, where James Cook landed to watch the transit of Venus. They say that he did, but I am pretty sure he didn’t, and he had to come back twice more to get the data he needed. There are three monuments at Point Venus – one to the Bounty (as in Mutiny on the), one to Cook and one to the first Christian missionaries to land here. There is also a square lighthouse, designed by Robert Louis Stevenson, who lived and wrote here. It is the only lighthouse on the island, and they still light it, although they now have great big metal beacons marking the shallows.

Emily, our driver, told us all about the corruption in Tahiti and the various court cases against the former President (24!). She also told us about the people of the islands and the local flora and fauna. The island is 55% Catholic, 30% Protestant. There are also Mormons, Seventh Day Adventists and Jehovah’s Witnesses. There are, apparently, no Muslims here.

Then we returned to Papeete to find some lunch. At this point, the heavens opened. It wasn’t cold – this is the Tropics, remember – so we just waited it out and then walked to a nearby shopping centre, which had a café called Retro on the ground floor. Mum and dad had burgers and I had steak and chips. People, I’m in France. This could be my last chance at a decent steak for the foreseeable future. It was so good, I almost wept. The only other item on the menu was tuna, done about eight different ways. They REALLY eat a lot of tuna here.

Afterwards, I went for a wander and did some shopping, while mum and dad went back to the ship. The humidity was ridiculous, after the rain storm, and they found it quite tiring. I returned to the ship with my purchases about an hour later, and we all went up on deck to gaze out at the town one more time before dinner. I did 20 lengths, but I would regret that for the rest of the night. Ow. I’m pretty certain there is some leg cramp in my immediate future…

Then dinner and an early night. Bora Bora tomorrow. Need to recharge the laptop, the phone, the camera, and me.

UPDATE: no leg cramp! I survived! Tonic water is marvellous stuff.

Sea Day 9 of 9 – I think it’s Wednesday 17^th, but I might be wrong

We’ve made it. Herewith the last of the consecutive sea days. I think there might be a bit of a stampede tomorrow morning, to try and get down the gangplank! I’d just be happy with a whole night’s sleep right now. we are at GMT -9 and I think we do another tonight. It makes life very difficult, particularly if you want to discuss something with someone in the UK. If I rise at 9, it is now 6.30pm in the evening for them. It’s going to make Skyping home tomorrow a little complex.

Lunch: fruit. Swim: 36 lengths. Eventually stopped because I was bored, rather than tired. The massage I had yesterday must really have cleared my muscles of lactic acid. No aching whatsoever. Lots of chats to people and Sudoku. Then changed for dinner. Laurie and Michael did not come to dinner – they must have eaten elsewhere. They were spotted during the day, so we know they are okay, although there have been some instances of, ahem, illness on the ship, which are now starting to come to light. Several people brought coughs and colds on with them, that they probably picked up on the plane. When you remove half the passengers and add 1000 new ones, fresh germs are inevitable. If we escape with mostly coughs and sneezes, though, we’ll be doing just fine.

Ohh, goody, Ambassadors is back on. Consider me fully distracted. Bye.

Note to self: Cadbury’s Flake and computer keyboards are not a good mix.

Sea Day 8 of 9 – Tuesday 16^th February

Leetle bit bumpy today. I say ‘today’, but of course, whereas it is 9.30 am here, it is 5.30 pm for most of my readers, so I hope you had a nice Tuesday. We have no internet. Don’t know why, it’s not THAT bumpy that a satellite footprint could skip past us because of us moving around constantly. We have plenty of telly, not that there is much on. Great Gatsby is back on tonight, but I may have to go to the cinema to see Agent 47 (if there are any tickets left). We’ll see nearer the time.

Today we are level with Reunion, although 8000 miles away from it! 28 degrees in the shade.

Hung around by the pool, chatting with Laurie and Michael and Ruth and Alan. Dad had left my fruit with Laurie, before he and mum went to their posh lunch, so I ate that while we talked. Dad turned up at about 2.30 and mum surfaced at about 3.15, just as I was heading off to my massage (via the library to book a ticket for Agent 47). When I got back, they had gone. But my 75 minute massage did take an hour and three quarters in total, so I can’t blame them for losing interest.

Good news/bad news. Good news: got into the smaller swimsuit today – a whole size down. Feeling a bit smug. So stuff has either been significantly redistributed, or I’ve lost some weight. Can’t find out til New Zealand though. Probably should have worn the other swimsuit, though, bearing in mind the application of massage oils. It might have been wiser to put on the clean, new one on a different day. Bad news: didn’t have time or energy for a swim today. After my massage, I could not stop yawning! Yes, that is what passes for bad news around here. That, and the lack of internet signal (the flipside of which coin is that it doesn’t cost me much!). Oy, my life is a trial.

Watched Getaway while getting dressed for dinner. Very fast moving, but quite entertaining and a nice Hollywood ending for most of the cast, if not all. Four stars out of five. If you like action movies, and particularly if you like car chases, you’ll like this. Re-watched Quantum of Solace this morning, but you already know I like everything about that film except the theme tune, so I don’t need to re-review it here.  A couple of odd cuts had been made, including the release of the water to the villagers, which I found a surprising omission – that’s pretty much the whole point of the film, I would have thought – but I have no idea who cuts these for P&O or how they think (or, indeed, if).

Laurie didn’t come to dinner, but the rest of us had a nice time. Michael said that she wasn’t ill, she just didn’t feel like a big meal. Fair enough. I know the feeling!

Hitman: Agent 47 was very good. 4.5 out of 5. An excellent, well-constructed action movie. Some good acting, some excellent set pieces, and some interesting philosophical/ moral considerations. Then back to the cabin for the rest of Gatsby. What a beautiful film. Very obviously a Baz Luhrmann work.  Haunting and so lovely to look at. He really is a master of cinematography. To take a story that, whilst written in excellent prose, is essentially quite mundane at its heart, and turn it into something quite so ethereally magical, is a very special gift.

Very late night by my standards on this holiday. I’d say 2am, but, frankly, I have no clue.

Sea Day 7 of 9 – Monday 15^th February 2016

Every day at noon the First Officer does an announcement, updating us on some stuff. Herewith today’s highlights. We have now travelled 13,012 nautical miles since leaving Southampton. We are in what is known as the British Exclusive Economic Zone. We apparently have Sovereign rights in this area, because we are within 200 miles of Pitcairn, which is a British Territory with 70 inhabitants (did you know Pitcairn was British?! I didn’t). We are also in the vicinity of falling space debris (well, where else would you send it down but in the middle of the middle of nowhere?!), and the Bridge will try and find out when it is due to land and whether we will be close enough to see it – apparently it’s an old Russian satellite that they are trying to burn up. The air temperature is now 27 in the shade. Some sort of siren started on the Bridge while the First Officer was giving us that information. Oops. I don’t think we were supposed to hear that! I wonder what it was. Maybe we are closer to the satellite’s landing track than we thought?!

24 lengths. Ridiculous current.  My arms are still aching four hours later.

Dinner was a piece of chicken that took up half my ten inch plate and was a good two inches thick at the centre. I assume it was a chicken. But, if it was, it was most of one. I think the special diets chef has decided that he feeds me so badly during the daytime, that he really needs to play catch-up at dinner. Either that, or he is trying to kill me with quantity, so I’ll be less of a nuisance in future. It feels like every day the portions are getting bigger. Everyone was intrigued to see if I could get through it, but as I only had fruit for lunch, I was more than capable. Mind you, I ordered jelly for dessert, and I really thought I wouldn’t have room for it.

I think I have figured out why I have no appetite. It’s because every night now we lose an hour, so lunch is an hour closer to breakfast or last night’s dinner. I am typing this at 9pm our time, which is 4am tomorrow for you, and our clocks go back again tonight, so 8pm your time tomorrow will be noon for us. I think. And then tomorrow, they go back again, I think… To be honest, I’m really not sure any more. It’s very confusing, and everyone is tired and exhausted and confused. We are all forgetting appointments and getting muddled, and if snoozing was an Olympic sport, there isn’t a passenger aboard that would not be in with a medal hope. Come to think of it, even the crew are getting a bit discombobulated, and they do this all the time. Savio, the bar manager of the Spinnaker Bar, said that his sleep patterns are also up the spout. We are all, all over the place. I just hope the Bridge team are holding it together better than the rest of us!

Won’t see mum and dad til late tomorrow, because, at Valparaiso, they went up a loyalty tier, and so they have a luncheon tomorrow, just for them. The P&O points system only takes into account the past three years of cruises (ten points for every day at sea), so you can drop down really easily, and then pop up again on a long one like this. It’s very silly. Apparently, the Baltic and Ligurian (top two) tiers tomorrow are now so under-populated that there will only be six tables tomorrow at their lunch! Doesn’t really seem worth the bother, if you ask me. I’ll stay on deck (in the shade/pool) and stick to my fruit platter. Much more manageable, and the dress code is more relaxed too!

People are now starting to whinge about the number of sea days in a row. I love it, but I may have mentioned that not everyone feels the same. This is what cabin fever actually is. They get sick of the same four walls, and even being out of deck can feel oppressive. Personally, I think if you enjoy a sea day, you enjoy a sea day, and the number in a row shouldn’t matter, but apparently some people get really desperate to feel solid land under their feet. This is day seven. How these spoiled, whinging idiots would have coped on a five WEEK trip from the UK to Australia, I cannot imagine. It’s pathetic, if you ask me.

Right now, it’s just a bit of light-hearted moaning (mostly along the lines of “I’m bored”), but in the next day or so, it could get a bit grumpy. It has, actually, already begun. One bloke bit my head off today for suggesting that putting his sunlounger across the only path across the deck, thus blocking a waiter and his trolley, was perhaps somewhat less than 100% sensible. Got all huffy about what he called “doing what he was told”. Seeing as the waiter had been saying ‘Excuse me’ for the best part of two minutes before I intervened, I figured he was either deaf or stupid, so I stepped in to help. Well, if you can’t be considerate enough to think that maybe people need to get past your arrogant arse; like, ooh, I dunno, staff, wheelchair and scooter users, or the people bringing you YOUR OWN LUNCH, then maybe you do need to have it pointed out to you, Einstein.  Some people. *sigh*

Plenty more where that came from, I’m guessing. It’ll be nice to get to Tahiti on Thursday, when the attitude will hopefully get dialled back down a notch or two.

Oh poo. I think I forgot to pay my mortgage last month. I told you we were all confused. Oops. There goes my lovely credit score I’ve spent a year rebuilding. *sigh*

Sea Day 6 of 9- Valentine’s Day – Sunday

Late start. Fruit, Sunday roast beef out on deck. 26 in the shade. Sudoku, booked a massage for two days’ time. 20 lengths. Rest. Formal night. Wore the pink shalwar kameez. Received several compliments, which was nice.

After dinner, I went to the show with Michael and Laurie. It was called Reel to Reel and centred on songs from British movies. It was quite good- a couple of the singers will be worth keeping an eye out for in the future, in the West End, I think.  They even did the Full Monty! Laurie loves music, so afterwards, we went to a music quiz in the pub. We didn’t win, but we did quite well and had a lot of fun. As we were in a quizzy mood, we then went up and did the Syndicate Quiz. We ended up sat next to Mum and Dad and their regular table – they go every night. Again, we didn’t win, but we did better than they did – partly because Craig and Peter didn’t arrive until it was nearly over, so they were down a third of their team and also the ‘young’ contingent they normally rely on.

Then had to walk the entire length of the ship – from the front tables of the Crow’s Next to the aft-most internal cabin – which took me a while in kitten heels! Bed. Shattered. Clocks go back again tonight. Tomorrow morning we will wake up at GMT-7. It’s getting quite confusing now. Basically, I’m getting up as you head home at the end of the day. My world is quite topsy-turvy at the moment.

Sea Day 5 of 9 – Easter Island

That may be the worst night’s sleep I have had in a long time.

26 in the shade today. And the sea is a startling shade of bright cobalt blue that is even less feasible than previous incarnations.

Got up at some unhealthy hour to see Easter Island. Didn’t see much. It looks very beautiful, despite humans mucking up the ecology by chopping down all the trees, much as they did on Dartmoor. We did not see many Mooai – I have a few blurry shots – but hopefully the ship’s photographers had more powerful lenses and got some decent photos from 1.5 miles out. There seems to be quite a lot of anger among the passengers that we (a) didn’t land, as originally advertised (b) only stayed three hours in total instead of going around for a while, as we did at the Horn, but you are totally powerless and at the whim of P&O, who clearly have no clue how badly people want to see this place, and neither, it seems, do they much care.

I asked for pasta for lunch. There wasn’t any GF pasta, for some reason, despite previous promises, so my poor pet head waiter went down to the stores himself to get some (unbeknownst to me). Then he found out that the Bolognese had flour in – who the heck puts flour in Bolognese?! So that had to be made for me from scratch as well. I felt really bad for putting him to so much trouble, but he keeps insisting that it is his job to make me happy. He seems to be the only person on this ship who really grasps the concept of customer care. He is the saving grace of the staff on this ship. The rest should be ashamed of themselves. I was so grateful, I wolfed it down without letting it cool down properly, and then I overheated and ended up dripping with sweat, despite the air conditioning! My own silly fault – it’s not like I don’t know how my body temperature will behave – but it was very yummy.

I was so tired (and warm), that I fell asleep at the table, so I went back to my cabin for a siesta, and then a shower before dinner with Michael. I have finally succeeded in finding cold water on the shower settings, but even on the very coldest setting possible, the warm still fights through sometimes, and I have to jump out of the way. The remnants of my sunburn were very grateful for the cold water, when it came.  At least it is currently calm enough that I don’t have to sway about to find the cold every few seconds. It was bliss.

My left shoulder has started to peel a bit, despite my application of copious amounts of aftersun and moisturiser.

I gave dad his Valentine’s Day card yesterday to sign for mum, while she wasn’t around, and mum did his today. I will deliver them tonight. Neither of them offered to pay me for them!

Have just seen a thing on the BBC World News that a salmonella outbreak in California was traced to a frog breeding facility. A what?! What on Earth does a frog breeding facility do with its product? Is there a big demand for frogs?! And how does a frog breeding facility come to have salmonella in the first place, then let it get out, and then spread it to the wider community? This is all very odd. Will have to go to the BBC Healthcheck website and find out if I have misheard or misunderstood.

UPDATE: Dinner with Michael was very pleasant. The food was fine, if not spectacular – my steak was a little over-cooked, and he said his seafood was quite bland – the conversation flowed and we got on really well. And he paid for everything. A lovely evening. We parted company after three hours, which is a very relaxed pace for a ship-board meal.

Friday 12^th – Sea Day 4 of 9

It has finally dawned on me why we have little or no internet or television signal here. We are officially in the middle of nowhere. Easter Island (tomorrow) is the most isolated inhabited place on Earth, and we are nearly there. So the satellites don’t bother sending their footprint down here, because there is virtually no one to receive the signal. We rarely see another ship. This does make me feel a little vulnerable. We probably have GPS and radar, but with no satellite communications whatsoever, we are, to put it bluntly, on our own. This is probably the most isolated we can ever be – as a ship and as human beings. None of our tech will help us here. We might as well be a 1930s cruise liner – once you sail, that’s it til you get to the next bit of land. No one will help you on the inbetween bit. No one can. There’s no point in having an accurate GPS signal if you can’t communicate it to anyone else.  It’s a surprisingly vertiginous feeling to know that you are pretty much cut off and on your own. This is where the quality of the Bridge team and Engineering really matter. This is the bit where they earn their money, by keeping us safe and keeping us moving. This is not somewhere you want to break down. You’re thousands of miles from the nearest tow.

You are also stuffed as regards the weather forecast. They don’t think there is anyone here either. The forecast, on Sky or BBC or whatever, jumps from South America round to New Zealand and stuff you if you live in between. Or are sailing from one to the other. I don’t know where the Bridge gets their info from, but it’s all we have, as regards the weather for now. Luckily, it is warm, humid and windless, so there isn’t much to be informed about. Which is handy, considering.

MEMORY: I don’t know if I mentioned it earlier but we had a posh lunch a while ago and we met one of the Third Officers. He is from a small village called Kingsdown in Kent. Only a small number of my readers will have the faintest idea what that means, but he was as chuffed to meet me, as I was to meet him! We chatted for ages.

Laurie has degenerative disc disease in her back and osteoarthritis. She has had surgery three times on her back, on both knees and her left foot. She also has fibromyalgia, so when I said I had CFS (which is what Americans call M.E.), she understood. It’s nice to meet someone who ‘gets it’.

My brain fog may not have cleared up as much as I thought. I forgot to go to two separate things I had committed to, earlier today. Oops. Michael is taking me to the Ocean Grill tomorrow for dinner. I must try and remember to go to that!

The P&O lies and misinformation continues. People booked this cruise because it said we would be at Easter Island all day. Then they found out it was only a sail-past, without landing. Today they announced it would only be for three hours and we would be gone by lunchtime. The whole thing is a farce. We spend a whole day going around the Horn three times and yet when we get somewhere we actually WANT to be, we are there for less than four hours. Absolute farce. No one gives the passenger the slightest thought or consideration.

OBSERVATION: all over allergy itching and sunburned skin are NOT a good mix.

Thursday 11^th – Sea Day 3 of 9

1. No internet.
2. Crew drills were due to start at 10am. They started at 9am. Seriously, is there ANYONE on this ship who can tell the time?! They also broadcast the crew alerts through the cabins, despite the fact they are nothing to do with the passengers at all. I went down AGAIN and explained that if someone hard of hearing wakes up to the words “Abandon Ship” coming through the speakers, they could possibly actually kill someone through fear, but they don’t care. They have their procedures and to hell with the consequences. It doesn’t matter if you say “For exercise, for exercise” beforehand, if that person is asleep or half asleep or deaf, and doesn’t hear the whole message. It astonishes me that they are so cavalier about this, but I suppose until someone actually does die of fright, they’ll go on thinking they are immune and free to do as they please and not affecting the passengers (or interested even if they are), however many people complain.

Neither of these things is a good way to start my day. Am trez grumpy now and I’m not even dressed yet. Mind you, bearing in mind there isn’t much on telly either, I may just get some work and chores done. Oh yes, they continue, no matter where you are in the world!

We have now sailed 11,201 miles since leaving Southampton.

It was 22 in the shade on deck today, but the wind was up a bit, so I didn’t swim. It was not the power of the waves or the water temperature that worried me today, it was the prospect of getting out and immediately being hit by that (surprisingly cold) wind blowing across the open decks, that put me off. When I was very small, and I had a fever, the doctor told my parents that the most efficient way to cool down a human body is to get its skin wet and let evaporation do its work. I don’t have a fever, so I don’t fancy that, right now, ta very much, although the sunburn on my shoulders may vote differently (still warm, not as sore, thanks for asking).

Clocks go back AGAIN tonight to GMT-5. This is all very confusing. It basically means that, by the time I’m heading up on deck to meet the parents for lunch, you are all on your way home from work, and if I want to do something “in the morning”, it has to be completed by 7am my time, in order to hit your noon. Anyone who knows me in the slightest knows how I feel about single digit times in the morning, so please don’t expect too much of me for a while! At any hour. My body clock is completely versmooshed.

At dinner, I sat with Single Michael (as I will refer to him from now on, in order to differentiate him from Laurie and Michael, who went fine dining today as it is their wedding anniversary) and Paula. Dale chatted to Mum and Dad down the other end of the table. We had a lovely time. They are both excellent company and very funny. The only stumble was when I had jelly for dessert and had to explain to Paula the difference between jelly and Jell-O. I think we got there! She used to live in San Francisco, so we chatted about touristy spots and good tour guides and slightly more unusual sites to see after you’ve done the obvious ones. I think I have now pinned down that she is an accountant, by trade, although she would rather be a “retired accountant” apparently!

We have been crossing the Roggeveen Basin today, if you’re interested. The sea was REALLY calm- like glass. I wondered if we had wandered back up to the Doldrums, it was so still.  I was worried I might not sleep overnight because it really wasn’t moving much, but as bedtime approached, the captain turned the ship so that what little swell there was would rock us to sleep. How very considerate. Sea colour: that bright improbable blue of the P&O livery again. The one that you look at it and think, well, I know the sea looks that colour in paintings, but I doubt it ever really goes that colour in real life.

UPDATE: I have had some emails asking how I am doing health-wise after my glutening. How very thoughtful of you to ask. Well, the patches of skin numbness are fewer, as are the night-time leg cramps – I am down to two of those a night, instead of five or six in the early days. I still need a siesta to deal with the extra drowsiness and fatigue (and the time zone changes don’t help with that!), but I’m down to an hour, from two and a half, which is also a vast improvement. Today was the all over itchy day, so my system is really working to clear itself of the rubbish. The loss of concentration and cognitive impairment/woolly thinking are less – although I am still finding it hard to concentrate enough to complete a Sudoku in one sitting, and I have no idea what I wrote for the OU essay that was due last week! My nose is still running, but again, not as much, my mouth doesn’t feel like it has had wall to wall carpeting installed every morning, and the raging, unquenchable thirst is subsiding – which is a relief because that was getting very expensive! Walking anywhere is still more effort that it should be, because my legs still feel like they’re full of lead, but, all in all, it wasn’t too bad, thanks. The digestive discomfort went completely quite quickly (which is how I knew it was not a full-on attack) and my other symptoms are now fading. I should be fine in other week or so. If I can get away with feeling normal after two weeks, I’ll be happy. Major damage can leave people suffering for up to six months (I seem to average four to six weeks for a big one), so I’d be quite happy with a fortnight. I imagine that the cramps and fatigue will last a little longer than a fortnight, but the worst should be over by then.

Sea Day 2 of 9

I think I may be a little addicted to Ambassadors. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, it is a sitcom starring Mitchell and Webb, set in a made up country of Tazbekistan, where Mitchell is the British Ambassador, Webb is his assistant, and that bloke from Spooks (Matthew something?) plays their boss. Keeley Hawes plays Mitchell’s wife. It is hypnotic. I love it. Beautifully observed.

Saw the first half of The Great Gatsby today (the Leo DiCaprio one). Had to stop for dinner. Will hopefully catch the rest of it when they show it again in a couple of days’ time. Enjoyed it thus far.

I watched City Slickers last night. Haven’t seen that in YEARS. Still a very enjoyable film and Norman is still utterly adorable.

Had fruit for lunch. It’s hard to eat when you have become so heartily sick of food. If I could get away with not ever eating again, I would certainly give it a try. Right now, I couldn’t care less if I didn’t see, smell or taste anything for 48 hours. Unfortunately, the tablets I have to take cannot be taken on an empty stomach, so I HAVE to eat at least twice a day. But it is astonishing to me just what a chore it has become, even without the ordering hassles I had to deal with at the outset.

Had turkey in GF breadcrumbs this evening. Think I got away with it. Maybe they’ve tightened things up in the kitchen. Tomorrow is Sunday (yes, I know it’s Thursday, but it’s roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, so it feels like a Sunday. I call turkey and sprouts day Christmas too, fyi – anything to break the monotony of mealtimes).

10 lengths against the rather large waves. Arms ache like mad. Feel like I did 100. I have now calculated that, on average, if you’re swimming against the tide, you can do up to one third more strokes to complete a length compared to when it is flat. I nearly choked because I was laughing so hard – I was swimming like crazy but not progressing one inch forwards – the waves just left me hanging in mid-air until they had passed. It was very silly indeed. I must have looked ridiculous – paddling like Wil E. Coyote looking for a cliff under his feet that isn’t there.  I swallowed a fair amount as a result of the laughing in mid-swim, obviously, but at least that was a little less to go in my ears from when the pitches became rolls (I’m trusting you recall the difference) and slammed into my ears as the waves went from side to side instead of front to back. Perhaps I’m too easily entertained , but I laughed a lot. In fact, considering how much I swallowed in the process, maybe it’s acceptable to say I really did laugh like a drain.

Met a lady called Christine – on with her husband Peter, who was off somewhere else – who WON this cruise on the Daily Telegraph website! Apparently there are six winners around– one who won the whole trip and five more who won a sector each. Very cool. But this is her first cruise and she was sick all day yesterday. She seems very nervous about being aboard, and that she doesn’t know what she thinks everyone else knows. We tried to reassure her that there were plenty of others who had never been on Arcadia before, or maybe even never cruised, but I don’t think she was convinced!

At dinner, sat next to Michael. He is fun to hang out with. He is a (divorced with kids) law tutor and exam marker, but he has never practised law, which seems a little odd to me. He invited me to dinner at the Ocean Grill one night, which might be nice. I’ll have to keep an eye on my finances though. £12 for a meal that I could eat elsewhere for free is a bit steep, so I’ll have to think about it. Tonight was another formal and, oddly, another Black and White – I’m sure we just had one of those at the end of the last sector – but at least I can now get all the black and white smart clothes and dresses washed without having to worry about when the next one is, cos it won’t be on this sector (which is a very long one – 17 days). I seem to be missing my other black and white dress, which is worrying. May have to get everything out from under the bed and have a rummage sometime.

Have finished reading Philosophy and the Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy. Quite odd. Very deep and detailed in places and then just massively glossing over other issues entirely. Sort of “that’s a whole separate book/issue/story” type thinking. Well, that’s what I bought this book to read about, thanks very much, so a little disappointing. The discussion of the ethics of eating an animal that wants to be eaten seemed to skip most of the main ideas, and I found it quite frustrating, but other bits were very interesting. Maybe the next book in the pile will feel more satisfying (no pun intended).

Here endeth Wednesday.