I’m absolutely knackered.  I know this will not elucidate a particularly large wave of sympathy under the circumstances, but bear with me on this.  I’m not the most energetic individual on Earth at the best of times, let’s face it, but three ports in three days has left me so tired I can barely speak, let alone stand.  You will also need to bear in mind that we have gone back five hours in a matter of days, so my body clock is a bit fershmooshed.

Saturday was Nassau on New Providence Island in the Bahamas. A beautiful place. A very small town, maybe a third of a mile wide by half a mile deep. About the same length as the ship, in fact! Lovely old buildings painted in bright colours and ludicrously friendly people. Quite cheap but not amazingly so. Managed to buy a fair few things between us, though!

Visited Senor Frog’s. Quite a mental place, it really is. For the uninitiated, Senor Frog’s is a chain of bars across this part of the world and they’re a bit, um, mental. Not quite sure how to describe them. They have witty slogans on the ceiling (such as “If drunks could fly, this place would be an airport”) and congas around the bar. If you’re sloshed, it’s hilarious. Sober, it’s a bit harder work! I have now been to two, the one in Nassau and the one in Acapulco. I’m not deliberately trying to visit them all, but they are fun places, and their shops sell some very funny t-shirts. I wanted to buy “Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional” but they didn’t have it in my size. Oh well, can’t have everything. I bought “Save water, drink tequila” instead. Far more ecologically sound a message, don’t you think? After all, water is a precious resource

I went sightseeing on foot and was astonished how far I walked, considering how small the town is, but my feet were screaming by the time we boarded in the evening. After dinner I had to charge my camera, download my photos, print the best ones and update my diary/scrapbook, so that it was all done before the next port in the morning, so that I didn’t forget anything or miss anything out. Took me til midnight to get it all done.

Sunday was Port Everglades. Had an earlier start than planned. Had to be “immigrated” (yes, that really is a word, apparently) into the United States during the morning, but my neighbours decided I needed to be woken up at quarter to FIVE to hear their drawers and cupboards being opened and closed, which was nice. Watched Vantage Point to pass the time until everyone else got up. Caught a free shuttle bus to the local mall (we had time to kill before our organised excursion). What a waste of time. The stuff was stupid expensive, there was only one set of toilets at one end (heaven help you if you were caught short at the other end!) and we think it is the first mall we have ever visited anywhere in the world where we bought NOTHING. Nothing at all. We ate a snack in the food court and beat a hasty retreat back to the ship to board our excursion coach.

Which broke down halfway to the Everglades. So we sat by the side of the road (in the coach, not on the grass!) for half an hour while they sent a relief coach. When we did finally get there, the airboat trip was AMAZING. It was so much more fun than I expected. I just loved flying across the water. It seemed funny that the thing is so light on the surface of the water that when it goes over water lily pads, they’re like speed bumps! There’s an audible thump as we hit them! We saw alligators, both in the water and on the banks and I saw a turtle in a tree! I suppose I’ve never really thought about it before, but it never dawned on me that turtles would be found in trees!

Then we were given a talk by one of the park rangers and then I got to hold Snappy, a 13 month old alligator (with all his teeth!), which was also deeply cool.

We then had to hurtle back to the ship. We made it in time before it sailed, but it was close! Dinner, downloading, printing photos, updating diary, etc. Bed at midnight again. Utterly pooped.

Today was Key West. Didn’t have to get up early today, we thought, but then late yesterday evening, they announced that the two cruise ship berths would be full and we would have to tender ashore. This means anchoring about 20 minutes out and piling into lifeboats to be ferried to the shore and this added an hour and a half to proceedings so instead of a 9.30 start, it was an 8am start. The whole process is slow and laborious and it didn’t help that there were 15 mile an hour winds and a swell of several feet, which not only made for an uncomfortable ride, but made boarding very treacherous and slowed the process down even further.

When we made it to shore, we boarded the Conch Train (pronounced Conk, don’t ask me why) which is a very cute little electric steam (-looking) locomotive on wheels which trundles you around the town while the driver (Marsha) give you an hour and a half talk on the sites and history. Very enjoyable and amazingly informative to boot. Thoroughly enjoyed seeing the architecture and hearing about the history of the place. It’s all very pretty wooden houses similar to New England style and all painted different colours, although mostly pastels here, whereas Nassau was mostly darker, brighter colours. The tour ended near the shops (which was nice) and we then pootled and shopped our way down the main street (Duval) until we found a place to stop and eat.

The food was lovely, although the service was a little, um, relaxed… It’s good to be in the States again. You can order what you like, with or without whatever you like and they don’t bat an eyelid. Superb. Anywhere else in the world if you asked for a chicken sandwich on burger bun not ciabatta, with no onion or tomato or cheese, even if they were willing and didn’t stare, tut, sigh or snigger, they’d get it wrong in some respect when it arrived. Not here. I love America, I really do.

Further shopping and pootling and then mum was worn out, so we went back to the tender to return to the ship. But they wouldn’t let us on. Apparently, as one of the cruise ships had left, Oriana was going to dock instead, as the tenders were such a hairy experience coming in. So we ate ice cream and waited for our ship to come in! Literally!

Mum and Dad went back aboard and I went back into town and found an internet cafe. This meant that I was in the right place when the Veterans Day Parade, about which no one had warned us, passed by, so I got to see that, which was nice. Then I had to leg it back to the ship so I didn’t get left behind! So here I am blogging when I should be doing all the downloading and so on. But at least, tomorrow is a sea day (AND the clocks go back tonight as well), so I have a nice, slow, relaxing day tomorrow, in which to get everything done.

So that is why I am knackered. See? I told you it was justified. . No one appreciates just how hard we work at this enjoying ourselves business, you know.

Here beginneth the Blog for this cruise. My apologies for the latest of the hour, so to speak. The week-long delay in starting has been due, at least in part, somewhat predictably, to bad weather. Not the hideous, leg-breaking, teeth-knocked-out, televisions flying across the cabin nightmare that we had on the last cruise we took, on Artemis, when we arrived in Madeira to find four ambulances lined up on the quayside waiting for us. No, this has been just bumpy enough to muck up the satellite signal. The majority of the delay was, however, due to a fairly catastrophic equipment failure. The entire ship was without any communication equipment for several days. Not the life-saving, steering the ship radar-y type of stuff, but no email, no phones, no internet. We have three golf balls and it was only the one that conked out (the antennae are spherical, so they’re known as golf balls), but even the Captain had no email! He had to go ashore in Spain and find an internet connection on land just to check his messages! We had to have parts shipped to Spain to meet us, or actual engineers or something. They never tell you what’s going on, only the bare minimum to get you to shut up complaining! Anyway, once we found out the Captain was suffering too, we knew they’d work EXTRA hard to fix it, and they did. Huzzah.

It is so wonderful to be back on Oriana. It’s like coming home. I nearly cried when I came on board. Some things have changed. The Curzon Room is gone, which is a terrible shame, replaced by a Gary Rhodes restaurant, which is apparently very good. We haven’t tried it, and I’m not yet convinced that I want to. They charge fifteen quid a head cover charge, which isn’t much for a Gary Rhodes meal, let’s face it, but the menu seems a bit posh for my simple tastes, and I dislike paying extra for something which is supposed to be included in the already rather steep price I am paying to be here at all. Single person occupancy supplement for a single girl using a twin cabin is, wait for it, 70%. I’ll say that again. 70%. So I think I have paid quite enough for my food, bed and board, thank you very much, without being expected to shell out another fifteen quid to eat the same stuff arranged differently. So, no, haven’t tried the new restaurant.

There isn’t much other news, really. We’ve only done one port so far, La Coruna in northern Spain. This is a new one for us, unlike the last port which will be Vigo, which we can find our way around with our eyes closed. I didn’t get to see the town, however, as I went on an organised excursion to Santiago de Compostela. This cathedral is built on the grave of St James and his two disciples and is the third most important pilgrimage site in the world for Catholics, after Jerusalem and Rome. We saw several pilgrims walking the last few miles. Apparently there are subsidised hostels on the way that charge three euros a night to pilgrims, which seems a nice thought for people who are walking hundreds of miles to get there. Very thoughtful. It is a quite spectacular building, with the world’s longest censer, I believe, although it wasn’t in action when we visited, sadly. Still, I came, I saw, I took photos, I bought things in the shop. Job done. On the way out of La Coruna (we left at lunchtime, bizarrely), we passed the Tower of Hercules, the only working Roman lighthouse in the world. Yes, Roman. Cool, or what?

We’re not completely out of the loop, so I am quite aware that we have a new President of the United States and I am extremely happy with the winner. I would have voted for him, had I had the chance. It’s always nice to live in a moment of history and I always feel just a little more important as a result, at least for a while. I may not be able to tell you where I was when man stepped onto the Moon, or when JFK was shot, and I may only have been one year old at the fall of Saigon, but I have seen the birth of the internet, the turn of a millennium, the fall of the Berlin Wall and now this. A black President of the United States. Doesn’t get any cooler than that, that’s for sure. I just hope that the Secret Service can keep him alive long enough for him to make a difference. Maybe I’m just terribly cynical and jaded, but I can’t help but assume that a lot of people are going to devote a lot of time and effort to bumping him off, and I can only hope and pray that they all fail miserably. Trouble is, it only needs one to get lucky once. Well, here’s hoping they protect him.

So the world turns, and our little vessel bobs along across the 31.5 million square miles of the Atlantic Ocean towards the Caribbean. Nothing else to say, really, so I’ll sign off for now. Ta ta. Try not to miss me too much.

Blogging, I’m blogging (to the tune of ‘Jammin”, obviously!). Probably my last missive.  From the Med – somewhere north of Algeria, apparently.  We have been able to see land, in fact, most of the day. I waved, although I doubt anyway saw me! On our way to Lisbon, which is our last stop before home.

Yesterday was Tunisia. We moored at La Goulette, which, I’m told by those who spent the day there, was disappointing, although I can’t comment cos everyone’s taste is different and it takes a pretty poor place to disappoint me!

We hired a taxi, driven by Ahmad.  Not the eldest son, because the first-born son is always named Muhamad, but with four children, two sons and two daughters.  They are only allowed one wife here, even though other Muslim countries allow up to four.  They also have completely equal pay here for men and women, which is also much better enforced than similar laws in the UK.  His eldest daughter is eighteen and pig-headed! He yelled at her down the phone in Arabic while he was driving us around. Some things are universal and demanding daughters are the same the world over!

We went first to Carthage, site of the great city built by the Phoenicians that warred with the Roman Empire for decades (the Punic Wars). Hannibal was from Carthage and set off across the Alps with his elephants to attack Rome, but the snow killed most of the soldiers and the elephants and by the time he got there, he was easily swatted aside. We saw massive Roman villas (the remains of), the theatre and the amphitheatre (one is semi-circular, the other is oval, in case you were about to ask)(the first for plays and the second for gladiators and lions and stuff)(and for those about to get clever, the circus was elsewhere and we didn’t get to it)(which was where they did chariot racing). We saw the basements and pillars of the extremely large Roman baths and the view over the ocean was breathtaking. We ate lunch at the best hotel in Tunisia, apparently, which was delicious, although the portions were so huge, I only managed to eat about a third of the cous cous they placed in front of me! The cheapest room is about £180 a night, in case you were wondering.

Then we went to the Bardo museum, where they have collected the most extraordinary collection of Roman mosaics, the largest collection in the world, most of which were almost complete. They were breathtaking. We then went to the Medina, the old town part of Tunis, which is a warren of small, covered streets. The tiny shops belie the huge houses behind them, with beautiful architecture and tiles and amazing rooftop terrace views across the city. Then back to the ship. It was hot and sunny and a thoroughly enjoyable day.

I can’t believe it’s all nearly over already. It doesn’t feel like the best part of three months. It feels like the blink of an eye. Of course, I’ll be glad to get off of this bucket of bolts, sorry, ship, which has been a miserable place to be for large chunks of this trip. Some people are staying on, as it is going up the Amazon next. THAT would be nice. But not on this ship. No way. Never ever ever again! It’s never met a wavelet it didn’t stop and say hello to and it bounces around like a cork. I’ll be glad to get off, which is something I’ve never said before. But then again, I’ve never traveled on this particular ship before either…

All in all, an interesting voyage. Frustrating, quite often, particularly with regard to places we wanted to see but couldn’t because they were shut. But almost all the ports were enjoyable and the majority of the sea days were good too. I think I’ve enjoyed myself despite the problems we encountered. They merely marred, rather than ruined, the holiday. But now it’s time to go back to the real world. And catch up on three months of junk mail, bills and telly. Has anyone recorded Top Gear for me, by any chance?!

Blogging, I’m blogging (to the tune of ‘Jammin’, obviously!). Probably my last or penultimate at best missive. From the Med. Somewhere north of Algeria. Apparently. We have been able to see land, in fact, most of the day. I waved, although I doubt anyone saw me! On our way to Lisbon, which is our last stop before home. 

Yesterday was Tunisia. We moored at La Goulette, which I’m told by those who spent the day there, was disappointing, although I can’t comment cos everyone’s taste is different and it takes a pretty poor place to disappoint me! We hired a taxi, driven by Ahmad. Not the eldest son, because the first-born son is always named Muhamad, but with four children, two sons and two daughters. They are only allowed one wife here, even though 96% of the population is Muslim. They also have completely equal pay here for men and women. Much better enforced than in the UK, in fact. His eldest daughter is eighteen and pig-headed! He yelled at her down the phone in Arabic while he was driving us around! Some things are universal and demanding daughters are the same the world over!

We went first to Carthage, site of the great city built by the Phoenicians that warred with the Roman Empire for decades (the Punic Wars). Hannibal was from Carthage and set off across the Alps with his elephants to attack Rome, but the snow killed most of the soldiers and the elephants and by the time he got there, he was easily swatted aside. We saw massive Roman villas (the remains of), the theatre and the amphitheatre (one is semi-circular, the other is oval, in case you were about to ask)(the first for plays and the second for gladiators and lions and stuff)(and for those about to get clever, the circus was elsewhere and we didn’t get to it)(which was where they did chariot racing). We saw the basements and pillars of the extremely large Roman baths and the view over the ocean was breathtaking. We ate lunch at the best hotel in Tunisia, apparently, which was delicious, although the portions were so huge, I only managed to eat about a third of the cous cous they placed in front of me! The cheapest room is about £180 a night, in case you were wondering.

Then we went to the Bardo museum, where they have collected the most extraordinary collection of Roman mosaics, the largest collection in the world, most of which were almost complete. They were breathtaking. We then went to the Medina, the old town part of Tunis, which is a warren of small, covered streets. The tiny shops belie the huge houses behind them, with beautiful architecture and tiles and amazing rooftop terrace views across the city. Then back to the ship. It was hot and sunny and a thoroughly enjoyable day.

Today was the last Luncheon. It was the Gold Tier Round the World lunch, I think, which means the truly steadfast, who have been on the whole way round. It was very enjoyable and I had a good laugh. The pre-lunch drinks started at 12 and we finally left the dining room at just before 4. I may have made some new friends.

I’m mostly packed now. I calculated shampoo and stuff quite well, so there won’t be much to take home, although I had to buy moisturiser and cotton wool on the way round, so I’ve got leftovers of those. And I overestimated the deoderant again. Oh well, better to have too much than too little!

I can’t believe it’s all nearly over already. It doesn’t feel like the best part of three months. It feels like the blink of an eye. Although, by contrast, Christmas on board seems a VERY long time ago… how confusing! I can’t decide whether I’m excited to be going home or not. I’d like to get a job, and a place to live. I’d like to see my friends, especially the nearly half dozen who have produced babies while I’ve been away! I’ve made some friends I’d like to keep in touch with, including, I’d like to think, Richard Digance and David Barby (although I don’t know how they feel about it!). But I don’t want to be cold. I LIKE warm places, deserts and so on. I don’t want to go back to snow and slush and ice and rain and wind and rubbish like that! I know I’m a naturally warm person, but I suspect that I’ve rather lost my immunity over the past few months!

Of course, I’ll be glad to get off of this bucket of bolts, sorry, ship, which has been a miserable place to be for large chunks of this trip. It’s better now, and some of the more stroppy crew are gone, but we’re getting off now! Some people are staying on, as it is going up the Amazon next. THAT would be nice. But not on this ship. No way. Never ever ever again! It’s never met a wavelet it didn’t say hello to and it bounces around like a cork. I’ll be glad to get off, which is something I’ve never said before. But then again, I’ve never traveled on this particular ship before either…

All in all, an interesting voyage. Frustrating, quite often, particularly with regard to places we wanted to see but couldn’t because they were shut. But almost all the ports were enjoyable and the majority of the sea days were good too. I think I’ve enjoyed myself despite the problems we encountered. They merely marred, rather than ruined, the holiday. But now it’s time to go back to the real world. And catch up on three months of junk mail, bills and telly. Has anyone recorded Top Gear for me, by any chance?!

 

Luxor and Karnak were cool.  I think the Temple at Karnak would have been way more awe-inspiring but for the following:

a) completely built around, so it’s down a side street

b) unbelievable crowds, all with guides shouting in various languages

c) screaming kids (why would you take them there?!)

d) a small child with an electronic game that played tinny music constantly

e) not enough time to stand and appreciate

f) lots of people talking very loudly who had absoloutely no respect for the fact that it was supposed to be a house of worship. Granted, a ruined house of worship of a now-defunct religion, but still, please?

Valley of the Kings was good, except for:
a) too many stairs!
b) guards screaming at us about not taking photos, grabbing you wherever and whenever they felt like it
c) standing with my dad and hearing him being told that his wife isn’t allowed to take pictures either.

Dad is astonished at how annoyed that made me, being mistaken for his wife. I find it offensive. Am I wrong?! I think it’s a bleeding cheek to make an assumption like that.

Didn’t go down into Tut’s tomb but dad did and said that, although the colours were amazing, and looked like the paint was still wet, we missed very little. There were only a few inches of paintings. He felt a little swindled at having paid so much just for that one tomb (which cost more than the other three put together), but as it was all included in our tour price, it wasn’t that big a deal.

The next day, in Safaga, a shopkeeper asked my dad how many camels he wanted for me! Egypt is great! I’ve now been propositioned four times! (Oh, no, hang on, three times, the other one was in Oman)

Petra was amazing. I walked down into the Siq but the uneven surface made me dizzy so i had to sit down for half an hour at the Treasury to stop the world spinning. Wandered a bit, not very far. Some people went miles, but I saw what I came to see. (The Siq is the gorge leading to the city and the first building you see is the Treasury. They were used in Indiana Jones and I’ve wanted to see them ever since I first saw the film.) Dad wished he had come when he was ten years younger, so that he could have done and seen more.

Yesterday was Sharm el Sheikh and I went to St Catherine’s Monastery. Saw the Burning Bush and the well where Moses supposedly met Zipporah (i think that was his wife’s name, anyway) and the Church was beautiful.

Interestingly, we had Aaron’s tomb pointed out to us twice: once in Jordan and once in Egypt… hmmmmmmmmmm…

The second of three sea days.  Which are becoming worryingly hard to come by.  We have several port days back to back coming up, with 14-hour tours at each.  So by the time we enter the Med, I shall be absolutely cream crackered.  Therefore, today, while I still have the time and the energy, I packed two suitcases.  Which leaves one case plus the holdall and vanity case left to do nearer the end.  I’ve tried to arrange things so that the things I need when I get back will all be in one case.  Not sure how successful I’ve been, but, hey. *shrug*

Mumbai was surprisingly enjoyable. Apparently because we arrived on the Muslim festival of Ashura so people weren’t about and there were no crowds or traffic. Did you know there’s a beach in the centre of Mumbai?! No, neither did I! We did a bus tour of the city with photo stops and traditional dancing demo, which was cool. I imagined Indian dancing was going to be as slow and delicate as Thai dancing, for example. It isn’t! There are some slow dances but most are very bouncy and energetic with jumping and drumming and running and stuff. Very enjoyable. They did dances from most Indian states and the differences in costumes and styles of dancing were very interesting to note. Pootled around a few shops and ended up with tea in the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel. Very pleasant. Although why the hotel was having a Swiss Food Festival, I have no idea. Is Switzerland renowned for its cuisine?!

That was the end of the third leg of the cruise. 300 people got off and 300 got on. And most of the crew seems to have changed too! Now we are on the fourth and final leg. The home stretch. With an AWFUL lot to cram into the remaining time.

Oman was brill. The desert was just as wonderful as the other deserts I have been to. I LOVE deserts. The welcome by the people of Salalah was warm and friendly and helpful and the way we were treated was fabulous. It did take a day or so for my vertebrae and neck to recover from the four by four trip over the dunes and rocks afterwards, but it was a very enjoyable day. Saw the lost city of Ubar, which was pretty amazing. It was buried by the sands and only found by accident by satellite images. Finding toilet roll available in a mud hut, open to the sky, non-flushing toilet in the middle of the desert was also pretty surprising. As was the fact that the toilet had an attendant! Seriously. Slap bang in the middle of the desert. Three hours west from Salalah. Look it up if you don’t believe me. It’s called The Empty Quarter. Trust me. You couldn’t make this stuff up.

The parents had a slightly less fun time as they went into town and, of course, being a Muslim country, we contrived to arrive on a Friday, so everything was shut. The cruise company are IDIOTS. The level of stupidity of the person who planned this itinerary is breathtaking. We did a calculation and found that almost HALF of our stops have been closed, due to Sundays, Fridays and local and national and religious holidays. For goodness’ sake. HALF. Do we get half our money back? I’m guessing not…?! This is only my personal opinion, of course. For what it’s worth. I’m not complaining here, that would be futile. But it is exasperating and annoying all the same. How would you feel?!

We love Phuket, but, boy, has it changed in two years.

We were there just after the tsunami (the February or March just after) and although there was a lot of building work going on and all the sand had been washed away off the beach, there was very little indication at Patong Beach of what had happened. But now everything is rebuilt or in the process of being built. There are multi-storey (but no more than four or five) apartment blocks on the front, with selling prices starting from 341,000 US dollars. Yes, read that again. 341,000 US dollars. They have a new paved promenade, with special tiles in, and most of the sand has been replaced, although it is still about six inches or so below its original height. There is a new shopping mall and the Holiday Inn has quadrupled in size and become a “resort”. The food there is fantastic. I had my favourite dish in the world – Phad Sie Iew – flat rice noodles stir-fried with chicken, egg and greens in soy sauce. Divine.

There are still bargains to be had, especially in the new Patong Top, which is basically just a well-organised open air market with permanent stalls. There’s even a shop that sells nothing but Hello Kitty handbags. I was in my element! Added to which, it was 90 in the shade, with a good breeze. Perfect.

Kota was brilliant. We love it there. There’s no specific reason, but EVERYONE who had been there before was just happy to be back.  Had a lovely day, pootling through town, taking different routes, marvelling at how much had changed in the two years since we were last here. “Traditional cucumber sandwiches” at the new Le Meridien hotel means, oddly enough, TOASTED cucumber sandwiches.  Well, cucumber and lettuce sandwiches made with toasted bread, anyway.  Very odd!

Brunei was nice enough, I suppose. Waiting over an hour on the quayside for a shuttle bus into town didn’t go down well, though! The place is, surprisingly, much poorer and scruffier than I imagined a tax-free country with petrol subsidised at 14p a litre would be, but apparently there is a two-tier society. Residents and citizens. Citizens get free healthcare, free education and every year the Sultan GIVES AWAY one hundred and sixty houses. Non-citizens don’t get any of that and, even if they marry a local, they don’t get the benefits for ten years. A good way to stop marriages of convenience, but one which inevitably leads to a Haves and Have-Nots society. No where near as opulent and outwardly monied a city as I expected.

They dropped us at the most expensive shopping mall they could find (as usual) and there are only twenty or so taxis in the whole of Bandar Seri Begawan, which makes getting about tricky, especially after you miss a kerb and fall badly… Yes, I’ve done it again! This balance business is really starting to get on my nerves now. Nothing sprained, believe it or not, but i’ve bruised the muscle that runs down the outside of my right calf, which makes walking an ooh ow exercise. I’m sure it’ll be fine in a couple of days (luckily we have two sea days now, which gives me time to recuperate before Penang and Phuket) and I’m grateful it’s not as bad as when i went down on Oriana, but it’s annoying nonetheless. I’m also distressed to have to inform you that it looks like chocolate is a major trigger of my dizzy attacks. Poo.

On the upside, today i went to the art auction on board and although i was tempted to buy three pieces, i resisted all urges to raise my hand. And then they did a raffle and i WON a piece! Yippee! Divine reward for my frugal and restrained behaviour maybe?! There are a couple of pieces that, if they haven’t gone by the end of the cruise, i am seriously tempted to put on my plastic. Dad keeps saying “Where will you put them?” but that’s just silly. Just because I’m homeless now, doesn’t mean I always will be!!! And we all need to fill our walls, right?! Silly daddy.

I know it’s been a while, and i apologise, but i’ve been very busy.  By way of compensation it’s a long one. Enjoy.

I am pooped beyond belief. Four Port Days in a row, one day off and then another two. Now we get one day off and then ANOTHER two! Really, I can’t tell you how exhausting it all is. The humidity is off the scale, its over 30 in the shade and we walk and we walk and we shop and we sightsee and we walk and we go to markets and restaurants and shops and buildings and museums and… I’m pooped.

I can’t remember what I’ve told you or what I said when I was last here, so forgive me if I skip stuff or repeat stuff.

I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed Richard Digance’s shows. They were fantastic. I went to all four (two shows per night, two nights – one show for first sitting diners and one for second). Also got to have a drink with the great man himself, which was extremely pleasurable. I don’t think he enjoyed the experience (the cruise, that is, not drinking with me!) as much as he had expected to. The weather wasn’t awful, but being separated from his guitar of 30 years must have been very upsetting. Apparently, it was still in Dubai when he boarded in the Seychelles and got to the Seychelles long after we left. Hopefully, it will arrive home soon and they will be reunited. Poor Richard. He wrote a lovely poem, just for us, which went down very well. I’m hoping he’ll send me a copy to keep as a souvenir. Tony Christie (yes, the Amarillo bloke!) is on at the moment and he’s going down a storm. P&O may be cutting corners right, left and centre, but you can’t fault the quality of the acts on this cruise, you really can’t. Although how you top Richard Digance is beyond me…

CNN is back, which is nice. It’s weird not being able to find out what is going on in the world. Even if you don’t watch it, it’s nice to have it there! Of course, it’s a rather American view of the world, even on CNN International – you still get Christine Amanpour asking the stupidest questions on Earth, for example – but at least I have an idea of what’s going on. Andy Murray has suddenly found his game, Becks has been benched by the world’s most petty football coach (it’s my ball and I’m not going to let you play with it any more) and various politicians are polluting the planet flying around telling each other what to do. Which is nice. Oh, and the British Government has mislaid some more criminals. For a change…

Here, we plod on. Dad has The Cold now, but is not streaming to the extent that I was. I am now pretty sure my dizzy spells are caused by MSG, red wine and chocolate. Tomorrow I may experiment with citrus fruit, just to see what will happen, but it means avoiding all the other things, just in case! I’m wondering if the vinegar at dinner is red wine vinegar and, if so, if that explains why, at this precise moment, I am fighting the urge to hold my head on. My vision is jumping (like when a CD misses a beat or the digital tv freezes and then jumps up-to-date) and I am feeling extremely wobbly. Of course, sunburn on the top of my head (despite wearing a hat!) could also be a contributing factor… as could the chocolate mousse I had for dessert. My life is very complicated.

Kuala Lumpur was lovely, as always. Always have a good time there. Shopped like crazy, ate like kings and generally coped quite well with the humidity, as it was overcast and not too hot.

Singapore was heavenly, of course, because Denise is there. We saw her flat and went shopping in Chinatown, which is always wonderful. (Fyi, Kuala Lumpur Chinatown is rubbish by comparison. Don’t bother.) As we were over night in Singapore (we got two full days!), Denise took us to the Night Safari. This is a trip around parts of Singapore Zoo after dark, to see the nocturnal animals that aren’t around during the day, and was absolutely brill. Then the next day, she had to go back to work (boo! ) and we shopped our way along the string of malls along Orchard Road and Scotts Road, despite the pouring rain.

The next day was Kuantan. A small, poor, sprawling town that stretches along a long, thin piece of Malaysian coastline. No culture, no history, no architecture, one temple, one mosque and two shopping malls, one of which has a Tesco Express. That’s it. We had fun pootling around nonetheless, but not the most exciting or stimulating of stops. And the bank manager won’t upset by it either.

Spent most of yesterday asleep. Literally. Got up at noon. Ate lunch with parents. Went back to bed. Got woken for dinner. That was my day. Went to the show in the evening – songs from London musicals, which was good fun, and then to the Syndicate Quiz, which the parents do every night (no more than 6 to a table – prize is a bottle of plonk). We won last night. Which was nice. So we have a bottle of white to drink tonight. Which will also be nice. Hopefully… I’m a big fan of vinegar, but the in-between stages I don’t like so much…

Tomorrow is a Sea Day, so hopefully more sleep. There was an announcement tonight about more paperwork, this time for Brunei (the paperwork for Vietnam having been completed today). So that should keep us occupied for a while…

The day after that is KOTA!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEHA!!!! We LOVE Kota Kinabalu (Sabah, Borneo, for those reaching for an atlas). The people are lovely, the weather is sublime and the shopping is the best on Earth. Very excited. The day after that is Brunei, which is a new one for all of us, I think. Will let you know on that one.

Today was Durban. Not much is open on Boxing Day, but we went on a coach tour to the Tala Game Reserve and spent the morning in an open-sided four by four taking photos of zebras and BABY zebras and impala (small type of antelope) and BABY impala and wildebeest and BABY wildebeest and giraffes and ostriches and lots of other cool stuff I never thought I would see up close and personal.

There are no predators at the reserve, so we saw no lions or cheetahs or hyenas. I felt a bit cheated on that front. It is also too small a reserve for elephants. I was surprised when I found out it is a private reserve, owned by one man. I would have preferred to go to a charitable one or a publicly-owned one. Mind you, I’m not even sure there are any. Didn’t get burned or bitten and took 170 pictures. A very pleasant morning. Back to the ship for a rather late lunch (roast lamb) and then out onto the quayside to look at the craft stalls that had been set up in the terminal for us. Bought some nice stuff, including a necklace for myself made of haematite (look it up, I had to!). Then back on board to write postcards in the air-conditioned bliss of my cabin. Hot and humid is all very well, but it’s nice when it stops too! The weather was glorious and sunny and lovely but a little more breeze would have been welcome! The trouble with humid is that it doesn’t get turned off when you go in the shade. The heat does, but not the humidity. Bleurgh.

What astonished me about Durban was the green. I have always had a mental image of Africa as desert, dry and warm but fairly barren. Like Namibia was, or Cairo. Durban was one of, if not, the greenest places we have seen so far on this trip. Quite astonishing. Words like verdant would be needed to do it justice, or lush.

I also found out that about one sixth of Durban’s population is of Indian descent and they are Hindus. Just not the sort of thing I expected to find! There is a huge chicken industry here, and McDonalds had to close most of their branches, both because the Hindus, of course, don’t each beef. Very interesting and nice to learn something new. Incidentally, talking of things I learned today, impala are one of the few animals in the world that can DECIDE when to give birth. They can delay or induce whenever they feel the conditions are right and can also abort and completely reabsorb a foetus if they feel conditions aren’t right. Wow. How weird is that?!

Tomorrow is Richards Bay and then to Mayotte. Anyone who mentions tropical storms over Madagascar gets a slap.

I have been remiss over the past few days, blog-wise.  Sorry, I have just been too busy to update it! Sorry!

Walvis Bay in Namibia was wonderful. I went out into the desert and saw 600-year-old plants, called Walwitchsias. Very cool. Also saw some dunes, with people surfing down them, and a rocky part of the desert where long gone rivers had carved the rock into canyons.

Luderitz in Namibia was very disappointing.  We didn’t feel welcome and they really don’t know what tourists want or how to supply it.  Only one church had even made any postcards to sell, which, of course, I didn’t find.  Hmph.  Nice ones too.  Someone was kind enough to show me theirs. Grrr.

Then Cape Town. A lovely town, lovely landscape, magnificent views, great shopping and a very tourist-friendly town. After about midday. For some reason, before that, people were very unhelpful!

The bank would not change money without a passport (which the ship had kept for immigration to inspect) and they insisted that they required proof of permanent address (which isn’t on your passport anyway!). Although my photo driving licence has this, they wouldn’t accept it. They only accept German photo driving licences. I ask you! We found a bureau d’exchange where the assistant recited the rules but was intelligent enough to grasp that my photo driving licence, that contains my name, address, signature and photo was really sufficient. *sigh*. Then we went to a pharmacy and got IGNORED until we left. Call me petty, but I can take a flipping hint. They didn’t want our money, they didn’t have to have it. We later found plenty of lovely, friendly, helpful people who were more than happy to take our money. Funny that.

Lunch was divine. Anyone going to Cape Town should go to the Victoria and Alfred Wharf and find a restaurant called Societi. One of the best restaurants I’ve eaten in, and the service was brilliant. The waitress even helped us with information on tourist attractions and sightseeing buses. And they let me have a kids meal as I wasn’t very hungry. Mind you, if that’s a kid’s portion, I think Hagrid would have trouble eating an adult portion!

More pootling and sightseeing, including the Two Oceans Aquarium and an open-topped bus tour, which was expensive but brill. Then dinner at the Table Bay Hotel. Seriously posh, good quality food, and we all ate our fill and had change from forty quid. Amazing.

Creative writing ended at Cape Town as Katherine, our tutor, disembarked. She asked me to continue to run a session (why me?!) and I’ve asked the Powers That Be. They said, we’ll think about it after Christmas. And so we Wait.

Today was Port Elizabeth. Not much to see, but quite pleasant shopping and beautiful beaches. Overcast but warm, so I didn’t get burned today, which was nice.

Roast lamb for dinner today(stir-fry for lunch, yum!) and then we went up on deck to sing Christmas songs and carols as loud as possible, so that Santa could find the ship and bring us our presents. We even got given a present each by the Ship’s company but I can’t say what it is, in case someone who hasn’t opened theirs reads this! Suffice to say, it came in a box the size of a shoe box and I can’t find the hallmark.

Christmas party later (I am wearing the santa hat earrings, the santa red and white scrunchie and the red tinsel tied around my pony tail). Yippee! Then at midnight there is both an Anglican and a Catholic Midnight Mass and also services tomorrow morning. In the evening, the passenger choir will be doing our thing, which should be interesting!

Happy Christmas, everyone. Chanukah has finished and so has Divali, but happy those too. In fact, Happy Cheerfulmas, one and all .