I am pooped beyond belief. Four Port Days in a row, one day off and then another two. Now we get one day off and then ANOTHER two! Really, I can’t tell you how exhausting it all is. The humidity is off the scale, its over 30 in the shade and we walk and we walk and we shop and we sightsee and we walk and we go to markets and restaurants and shops and buildings and museums and… I’m pooped.

I can’t remember what I’ve told you or what I said when I was last here, so forgive me if I skip stuff or repeat stuff.

I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed Richard Digance’s shows. They were fantastic. I went to all four (two shows per night, two nights – one show for first sitting diners and one for second). Also got to have a drink with the great man himself, which was extremely pleasurable. I don’t think he enjoyed the experience (the cruise, that is, not drinking with me!) as much as he had expected to. The weather wasn’t awful, but being separated from his guitar of 30 years must have been very upsetting. Apparently, it was still in Dubai when he boarded in the Seychelles and got to the Seychelles long after we left. Hopefully, it will arrive home soon and they will be reunited. Poor Richard. He wrote a lovely poem, just for us, which went down very well. I’m hoping he’ll send me a copy to keep as a souvenir. Tony Christie (yes, the Amarillo bloke!) is on at the moment and he’s going down a storm. P&O may be cutting corners right, left and centre, but you can’t fault the quality of the acts on this cruise, you really can’t. Although how you top Richard Digance is beyond me…

CNN is back, which is nice. It’s weird not being able to find out what is going on in the world. Even if you don’t watch it, it’s nice to have it there! Of course, it’s a rather American view of the world, even on CNN International – you still get Christine Amanpour asking the stupidest questions on Earth, for example – but at least I have an idea of what’s going on. Andy Murray has suddenly found his game, Becks has been benched by the world’s most petty football coach (it’s my ball and I’m not going to let you play with it any more) and various politicians are polluting the planet flying around telling each other what to do. Which is nice. Oh, and the British Government has mislaid some more criminals. For a change…

Here, we plod on. Dad has The Cold now, but is not streaming to the extent that I was. I am now pretty sure my dizzy spells are caused by MSG, red wine and chocolate. Tomorrow I may experiment with citrus fruit, just to see what will happen, but it means avoiding all the other things, just in case! I’m wondering if the vinegar at dinner is red wine vinegar and, if so, if that explains why, at this precise moment, I am fighting the urge to hold my head on. My vision is jumping (like when a CD misses a beat or the digital tv freezes and then jumps up-to-date) and I am feeling extremely wobbly. Of course, sunburn on the top of my head (despite wearing a hat!) could also be a contributing factor… as could the chocolate mousse I had for dessert. My life is very complicated.

Kuala Lumpur was lovely, as always. Always have a good time there. Shopped like crazy, ate like kings and generally coped quite well with the humidity, as it was overcast and not too hot.

Singapore was heavenly, of course, because Denise is there. We saw her flat and went shopping in Chinatown, which is always wonderful. (Fyi, Kuala Lumpur Chinatown is rubbish by comparison. Don’t bother.) As we were over night in Singapore (we got two full days!), Denise took us to the Night Safari. This is a trip around parts of Singapore Zoo after dark, to see the nocturnal animals that aren’t around during the day, and was absolutely brill. Then the next day, she had to go back to work (boo! ) and we shopped our way along the string of malls along Orchard Road and Scotts Road, despite the pouring rain.

The next day was Kuantan. A small, poor, sprawling town that stretches along a long, thin piece of Malaysian coastline. No culture, no history, no architecture, one temple, one mosque and two shopping malls, one of which has a Tesco Express. That’s it. We had fun pootling around nonetheless, but not the most exciting or stimulating of stops. And the bank manager wasn’t upset by it either.

Spent most of yesterday asleep. Literally. Got up at noon. Ate lunch with parents. Went back to bed. Got woken for dinner. That was my day. Went to the show in the evening – songs from London musicals, which was good fun, and then to the Syndicate Quiz, which the parents do every night (no more than 6 to a table – prize is a bottle of plonk). We won last night. Which was nice. So we have a bottle of white to drink tonight. Which will also be nice. Hopefully… I’m a big fan of vinegar, but the in-between stages I don’t like so much…

Tomorrow is a Sea Day, so hopefully more sleep. There was an announcement tonight about more paperwork, this time for Brunei (the paperwork for Vietnam having been completed today). So that should keep us occupied for a while…

The day after that is KOTA!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEHA!!!! We LOVE Kota Kinabalu (Sabah, Borneo, for those reaching for an atlas). The people are lovely, the weather is sublime and the shopping is the best on Earth. Very excited. The day after that is Brunei, which is a new one for all of us, I think. Will let you know on that one.

No baby news has reached me yet, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I have discovered over the past couple of years a passion for buying baby stuff. I don’t think it’s a nesting instinct as such, more a shopping one… Particularly girls. I’m not very good at boys, as Abbi and Nora and Monique have been discovering. But soon I will have more babies to buy for, which will be very exciting. Whatever their gender, I promise to shop as much as possible. Practice makes perfect, you know…