WARNING: RANT AHEAD

Good morning, welcome to St Maarten. Now, I know that you are all British and stupid and desperate to get off the ship and onto the beach to start damaging your skin in earnest. So you can now go ashore and do just that. The shops and restaurants near the ship and the beach are open, despite the fact that it is the holiest day in the Christian calendar. So off you go, go for it.

Quarter to eight in the morning. Read that again. Slowly. Quarter to EIGHT. Not quarter to NINE. Quarter to EIGHT. SEVEN FORTY-FIVE IN THE MORNING. Yes, of COURSE I was asleep! Wouldn’t you be at QUARTER TO EIGHT in the morning when you’re on holiday?! I don’t even get up that early when I’m working, for pity’s sake!

Now, granted, I have an excursion at ten I need to be up for, but it is going to be hard work and I also therefore need SOME SLEEP BEFOREHAND. Yes, I appreciate that it is already 25 degrees in the shade, and, yes, I am also aware that we are leaving slightly early today, at half four, in order to get to St Lucia on time tomorrow, so time to damage your skin and your wallet is slightly more limited than you might otherwise like.

But, QUARTER TO EIGHT? Seriously?

Happy Good Friday, everybody. I’m going BACK TO BED. My alarm is set for NINE, not eight, and certainly not seven anything.