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Today, the new couple on our table provided several moments of entertainment. Firstly, Sonia decided against ordering the soup. She said she didn’t like the sound of plum soup. When we’d all finished crying with laughter, we pointed out that the menu had said plum TOMATO soup.

Then her husband, Mike, told about their visit to the Coliseum in Rome. He went to the toilet and found himself standing next to a Roman Centurion. As you do. So he took his picture! In the loos! Poor bloke couldn’t even pee in peace! They’re lovely, the new couple. I still miss Barbara and Dave, although I still see them when they need an email typing or sending, but they were great fun. Sonia and Mike are very entertaining, as you can see for yourself, but things are less… raucous, I think is the word I’m looking for. Barbara said that they are regretting changing tables, as their new tablemates are boring beyond belief. One couple show them photos of their dog EVERY NIGHT! The same photos, every night. But that’s the risk you take when you have a good table of people and you move elsewhere… it’s a risk. They took it, they lost. Tough! 😀 No sympathy from the dumpee!

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Dinner was a bit of a disaster, really, all in all. Both our waiters disembarked today (they’re almost all Goan, so Mumbai is their stop), so we have new ones, who don’t know our foibles or peccadilloes, and they struggled to cope. Simple things like remembering to refill our water glasses (which bearing in mind how hot it was in Mumbai today and the average age of cruise passengers is actually slightly dangerous) or giving me a teaspoon to eat the ice cream I had ordered with (triple chocolate with chocolate sauce, before you ask). (I am aware of the grammatical clumsiness of that last sentence but “with which” sounded so pompous, I decided against it)

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Today I didn’t get off the ship. I’ve seen Mumbai several times, and I don’t much like it, to be honest. It’s such an assault on the senses – sight, sound, smell – and the crowds are ceaseless. I’m not a big fan of crowds at the best of times, but crowds of people with no concept of personal space is beyond me, I’m afraid. Instead, I decided to pamper myself. I had a massage, a pedicure and a manicure. In future, I’ll do it the other way round. I ruined my manicure getting changed for dinner. Next time, if I have it first, it can dry during the massage. I’ll have to have at least two fingers redone tomorrow. Bum. Left thumb and right little finger, fact fans. Dionne, the nail technician, is obsessed with Justin Timberlake and plays no other music. Gabriel, my (male) masseur, is brilliant and lovely. When I waved at him with wet nails to say my water bottle was empty, he offered me the hand sanitising gel to drink! Well, it has got alcohol in it, but I’m not sure that that qualifies it as potable… The pedicure chair has a footbath and is also a massage chair, so I actually got TWO massages!

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Australia Day. All very silly. Drinking games and competitions between Brits and Ozzies. Good fun. The Ozzies won, resoundingly. I joined the Ozzie side, but I wasn’t much help!

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Went out on deck with a smoker friend at midnight and found a man (passenger) playing Meat Loaf songs on a banjo. No, really. He did other stuff, obviously – Dolly Parton, Eagles, Tom Jones, all sorts – but it was Bat out of Hell that really stuck in my mind. Can’t think why…