Well, not exactly. In your case, it’s three degrees of separation. Yes, you, dear reader of mine.

A man and his friends plan a two year round the world trip on a yacht. They set off and he joins them a day or so in. On his first night on board, he steps out onto the deck to take over the watch and is swept overboard. They almost reach him four times, but the swell is over four metres and they soon lose sight of him. The coastguard and nearby vessels join the search, but he is found five hours later, dead. Instead of beginning their dream holiday, they now have to repatriate his body and arrange the funeral.

His name, as I said, was Richard Tapp. It turns out that he was a close personal friend of Mike Carr, one of P&O’s cruise ship captains, and a personal friend of ours from the Oriana Worldy in 2004/5. So there you are. Richard Tapp, Mike Carr, me, you. Three degrees of separation from a random stranger in Portugal to you, where you sit right now, reading this.

In case you can’t guess, It’s 4.30 in the morning and I can’t sleep. This is odd because normally on cruise ships, it’s all I can do to stay awake. It’s the rocking motion, honest! It’s probably because I have a streaming cold and breathing is requiring significantly more effort than usual and I think I may have a fever too, cos I’m hot one minute and shivering the next. Marvellous. Even better, I think my beloved daddy gave it to me. Thanks a bunch, daddykins.

Barcelona was a very pleasant day. It was dry and sunny, although, as we are only about one day ahead of the weather, it was fairly nippy. The high was forecast as 5 degrees, but I wore both coats and kept having to take them off! I bought a top in C&A, so mission accomplished there, and a pair of shoes in Aerosoles, which cost the same as the two pairs mum bought (mine are twice as pretty though!).

We stopped for an elevenses drink in a cafe in El Triangle, a small shopping centre built around a FNAC (French version of WHSmiths combined with HMV). Mum and dad had hot chocolates which turned out to be melted chocolate. Literally. A cup full of melted chocolate. No milk, no water, nothing. Pure chocolate. I can’t tell you how sublime they were! Even I had some, and I don’t “do” hot drinks, as you know! Mum ate hers with a spoon! If I thought hot chocolate was always like that, I’d drink it all the time!

Good luck to those taking part in the African Cup of Nations. I wouldn’t stay, if it was me, but I admire the bravery of those who decide to. The whole point of the cup is to promote peace between the African nations, but you can’t blame the Togolese for wanting to go home to bury their dead. Please send up a prayer for the goalie, who was shot in the back and is currently undergoing surgery in South Africa.

The world is full of people with nothing better to do than to hurt others, usually random strangers, and we are unbelievably lucky and blessed to have been born somewhere more sane than average.

Name that quote: “Don’t eat a muffin while I’m improving you.”

Walked another mile today. Was intending to do more, as I imagine I’ll do less once it gets really hot, but by the end of the third circuit, my legs were really tired, so I had to admit defeat. In fact, by the time I got back to my cabin, I was actually shuffling because I didn’t have the strength to lift my feet up! Hope I’m not coming down with anything. Losing an hour when the clocks went forward during the night has already started having an effect on me. Although I did drink a fair amount last night as well, which might not have helped… it was only one whisky sour and two tom collinses, but that’s three times more than I normally drink in a night!

The big news of the day is that the norovirus has arrived. Someone who filled in the health questionnaire when boarding, lied. We had an announcement at noon from the Captain that one or two people were ill, but not to worry, they would take extra precautions. At 5pm, they cancelled the Captain’s drinks parties. Tonight is a formal night and it is customary to have a drinks party with free booze to allow us to meet the Captain and crew and listen to him give a little welcome speech. At lunch he said it would go ahead, but people shouldn’t shake hands. At 5pm, he said more people were ill and it would be postponed for a week.

Funnily enough, yesterday at dinner, I asked why there was no alcohol gel available to clean our hands when entering the restaurant and the waiters said that the policy was that it wasn’t necessary. I pointed out that everyone coming to dinner either used a stair handrail or the lift buttons and it seemed unwise, but I was told that that was the policy and that was an end to it. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that there will probably be some available tonight… What do you think?

9pm update

There was. Surprise, surprise.

2am Friday morning 8 January

Real life is never far away on a cruise ship. It’s not the isolated idyll that some holidays can be. On a ship, reality is always very close to hand, even when we’re miles from land.

At about 11pm this evening, an announcement was made that we would be slowing down, so the movement of the ship may seem more pronounced. This was because we were responding to a mayday call as a sailor on a nearby yacht had gone overboard. We duly lowered our search and rescue boats (different to lifeboats as they are open so that people can be pulled in – lifeboats have roofs and doors). We’re still looking.

It has now been three hours since we joined the search and although we are still following our search pattern, and the Portuguese coastguard boats and helicopters are also here, no one I have spoken to believes he can still be alive. Never mind the 4 metre swell. Think of the cold. Even if he was wearing a lifejacket to keep him afloat if he gets tired, the cold must be unbelievable and I personally doubt he’ll survive, even if he is found. We have our medical team and all their equipment standing by at the door, defibrillators, the lot, should he be recovered, but, call me a cynical pessimist, I’m not hopeful. I’m happy to cross everything, along with everyone else, but the current air temperature is 12 degrees so I reckon the water is as near freezing as makes no difference. The crew are all doing what they can to help, peering over the side into the darkness, but it’s a big ocean and one person is very small. It’s pitch dark, of course. There’s no ambient light whatsoever. Those of you who live in towns have probably very little idea of what true darkness looks like, but trust me, it’s black. Of course, we’re lit up like a Christmas tree, but that just pushes the darkness away by a couple of metres. After that, you can’t see your own hand in front of your face. I’ll offer up a prayer before I go to bed, and all we can do now is hope.

10.30am Friday

He died. They found him at about half 3 but he was dead on recovery.
It does puzzle me that it took five hours to find him. Surely the Portuguese coastguard have infra-red cameras? He should have glowed in the dark, surely? Even if he cooled down, he should have showed up as warmer than the surrounding water for quite a while.

I just hope he couldn’t see the lights of the ships looking for him. That would be too awful, if he could see them but they couldn’t see him and he slowly died waiting for them to come closer. Hopefully, he was unconscious before he hit the water.

Horrible.

But, despite the sadness, the cruise goes on, life goes on.
And so, we resume our journey – five hours behind schedule. If I thought we were pegging it before, that’s nothing to what we’re doing now. We have apparently made up two hours so far, and they’re hoping we’ll make up another hour or so, but we’ll be arriving in Barcelona late on Saturday. This is a Good Thing, as it means I don’t have to get up so early. Mum and Dad wanted to be off the ship an hour before the shops even open. No idea why. Not sure what they thought they were going to do!

Personally, I have a cold and I feel rotten. If I could justify staying in bed all day under the duvet, I would, cos I feel like rubbish. My throat feels like someone has been sandpapering it while I slept. It’s really very painful. In fact, I think I’ll go and have a nap before my Spanish class.

This cold has really knocked me sideways. I couldn’t walk a mile today. I was exhausted after one circuit, which is only a third of a mile. I thought about pushing it, but it’s Barcelona tomorrow, so I should probably conserve my strength. It’s only 10pm but I’m going to have an early night and hope I can sleep it off.

Still snowing in England, I see. You know you’re in trouble when you make the top stories on CNN, the world’s most America-centric news channel! Stay warm, my friends.

Further edit: His name was Richard Tapp. Coincidentally, he was a friend of the captain.

Day 2. Don’t worry, there won’t be one of these every day! I just have some time on my hands and stuff on my mind. It’ll slow down and ease off soon, promise! This one may seem a bit bitty and random stream of conscience-y, but, hey, sorry, you get what you’re given. I’m afraid. *shrug*

It’s a very odd sensation, sitting in the Cyb@study on this ship. Normally the computers face fore and aft, but here they face into the ship. It’s very disorientating, because you’re not facing in the direction that the ship is moving! I’m probably not explaining it very well, but, trust me, it’s an odd sensation.

Snow in the South East. 40cm yesterday. Another 20 today. We are really pegging it at the moment, trying to stay ahead of the weather, which is going to move south and chase us. Last night I took a photo of the Lido (swimming pool) deck under snow. Very odd sensation, seeing the sunloungers covered in snow. Trez odd indeed.

Slept well last night, despite Force 7/8 winds. Down to 4/5 today, which is much more than copeable with.

Walked a mile today round the deck after lunch – mum did a third of a mile with me. It was a bit blowy but it was good to clear the cobwebs. The inside of the ship is very warm and stuffy (to compensate for it being apparently somewhat parky out) and I’ve been feeling quite headachey as a result, so the fresh air was very enjoyable, even if I did get a little numb in places! Took some photos of the distant rain/ snow clouds while we walked. Just hope they stay distant!

Apart from a couple of sprogs – one about 5 years old and the other about 9-ish (who I’m pretty sure should be in a school somewhere, even if it is closed by snow today)- I seem to be the youngest person on the ship by about forty years. It’s very weird. The average age on worldies is always high, but this is ridiculous. I’m hoping a few more youngish will materialise over the next couple of days. Went to the nightclub last night. Just me, the DJ and the waiters. The DJ is seriously depressed. He’s quitting in Athens, and is counting down the days. He says that no one comes to dance EVER. Even at Christmas! It’s like spending time with Marvin. I keep expecting him to say “Life? Don’t talk to me about life”. I’m hoping that someone more cheery replaces him! He’s probably a very nice bloke when he’s not so depressed!

Went to Spanish class today – figured I’d skip French… although the teacher is the same for both and is half French and half Uruguayan, so I chatted to her in French later. The Spanish class was PACKED. It’ll be interesting to see how many come back tomorrow, as there is a fairly high drop-off rate usually. Part of me is reassured to be going back to the beginning, but part of me is worried that I’m not going to learn much in a class of over 40… I learned how to spell my name (which isn’t as silly as it sounds, honest) but the rest was recap for me. You know, ‘my name is’, ‘I’m from England’. That sort of stuff. It’s conversational content, designed for immediate use, which is good, cos we’ll be in Barcelona in a couple of days! I’m guessing we won’t be fluent by then though… The Spanish teacher is leaving in Hong Kong and we get someone else until Singapore 2. After that, no Spanish at all, but we get an Italian teacher. I’m wondering if it might be a bit confusing to start Italian straightaway. Have to give that one a bit of thought… No rush to decide though, let’s face it. Irritatingly, the Spanish class currently clashes with the art class, which is a bit of a tough choice to have to make. I may yet switch, I dunno. Or they may change the class time or location or put in another class for non-beginners at a different time. It’s all going to be a bit in flux for a few days, I think.

I have bumped into a couple of familiar faces so far, one nice, one not so. In fact, she sat at our table at lunch and it wasn’t until after she’d gone that I could point out to mum that she was the rudest person we’d ever met and she’d made me cry on Oriana some years ago. She just randomly insults people. She’s obsessed with being thin and just tells people how fat they are, even if they aren’t especially. Friends of hers, complete strangers, anybody. She’s an absolute cow. And frankly, being 82 is no excuse for bad manners. Luckily she held her tongue today, although she told her friend she should go to the gym with her because she’s fat. If she’d said anything to me, it could have got very nasty very quickly. Personally, if one of my friends spoke to me like that, I’d chuck them over the side and be done with it, but, hey, whatever floats your ship, so to speak. If you want her as a friend, that’s your lookout, but I’m staying well away from her, thank you very much. Horrible old bag.

Here endeth the disorganised ramblings of the day.

Well, here we are. All aboard. Seriously the toing and froing necessary to get from your front door to this sofa is quite astonishingly arduous. Not only dealing with minicab drivers who have no idea where South Mimms Services is, but then standing in the freezing cold guarding 14 pieces of luggage until the driver has finished his bacon butty and comes back to unlock the coach. Then the journey with quite nauseatingly soft suspension, way worse than a rough sea! Then mum wants a bag from the coach hold to carry on herself which takes an eternity to find because the whole idea is that you don’t see your cases til they arrive at your cabin. Then the queue and security and passport and ticket and sign a piece of paper saying you’re not ill and haven’t been for two days and have your photo taken and sign your cruise card and hand over your credit card and then put the bags through the x-ray machine and walk through the scanner, but then you have to do it again because, oh, I don’t know, it’s a day with a y in it. Then you heave up a rather steep gangplank, show your cruise card for the third time since you signed it and find a lift. Then have to find your cabin. Then realise you’re walking down the evens and you’re in the odds which is completely the other side of the ship so go back down the corridor and start again. Then I get to my cabin and the door handle is so stiff, I hurt my hand trying to get in the room! Which is annoying, because it means your cabin steward’s first experience of you is a complaint. Not ideal. He’s very sweet, Daniel, although the idea that a person never drinks hot drinks clearly threw him completely. They very kindly put out a kettle and tea and cups and milk and spoons, all of which are rather noisy in rough weather, not to mention mobile in some cases, so, as I don’t need them, I always ask for them to be taken away. He was flummoxed. He looked at me like my skin had turned green and I was beeping at him. Absolutely floored, he was. Bless. But I have a rose in a vase and free gunk in the bathroom (you know, eye stuff, skin stuff, blah blah) and some sweeties and a free (small) bottle of water and I’ve turned the air con down from sauna to breathable, so, so far, so good. I think the layout of the ship is fairly similar to Oriana, but I’m going to go and have an explore anyway. Bye for now, my snow-bound chums.

P.S. Talking of snow… it’s snowing. On deck. Bit odd…

Sunbathing on my birthday.

That is all.

As you were.

I’ve had it. I’m fit for nothing. All I seem to do is sleep. In fact, all any of us seem to do is sleep. Not just Mum, Dad and me, although Dad managed to doze off in mid-sentence at lunch today (!), but everyone on the ship. Maybe it’s all the time zone changes (clocks go backwards or forwards almost every time I put on a clean pair of underwear), maybe it’s all the good food, it certainly isn’t all the good weather (we’ve had precious little of that!). Maybe it’s the “three ports in three days” thing they keep doing to us. We’ve had that twice now, the second set ending yesterday, and today, I was fit for nothing. Seriously, I managed to be upright by half noon for lunch, then did the Sudoku of the day, then I needed a nap, woken by a pointless announcement (thanks, Nigel the Cruise Director), then a talk, then a trip to the Observation Deck to fail to spot the International Space Station pass by with the Shuttle attached (complete with missing toolbox nearby perhaps?), then change for formal dinner. SUPERB dinner tonight, thank you Gordon (F&B Manager*, sits on our table and buys us drinks!). Then internet research for Tortola tomorrow and emailage. Now it is 10.30pm and it is all I can do to keep my eyes open! I’m off to bed in a sec! Seriously, you think I sleep a lot at home?! That’s NOTHING to what I can get done on here! But, like I say, it’s not just us. Everyone is knackered beyond belief. There was a LOT of sunburn at dinner tonight, presumably adorning those who had fallen asleep in the sun, rather than in the shade!

Three ports in three days is actually quite stressful. For each port, you have to research where you want to go, book excursions or cancel them if you change your mind (unless they are weather-dependent in which case they get cancelled from under you and you have to make other plans), change money, worry about what to carry and what to wear (raincoat? Sun cream? Mosquito repellent? Welly boots? Trousers? Shorts? Bottle of water? Sun hat? Maps, port guide, credit cards, cash (various currencies or just the one?)), handbag or just pockets? It’s all very complicated! And that’s before you even get off! Then there’s arguing, sorry, negotiating, with taxi drivers, finding tour meeting points, making sure you don’t miss tour meeting times, finding your way around a strange town, shopping lists of things you need to buy, (of course, not so much of an issue as everyone who said they would email me a list of things to get for them, FORGOT! (Tali, Shirley?!)), the vagaries of the local weather – wind? If so, what speed? Strong breeze or force 9 (I kid you not, force 9). Sun? Strong or with enough shade/cloud thrown in? Fleece? Raincoat? Just t-shirt? Rain? Shower(s) or tropical blooming downpour (several of those, thank you very much)?

Anyone who tells you hurricane season ends in October, just punch them for me and be done with it. It runs throughout November nowadays, thanks to global warming and we have had miserable weather for much of this cruise. Now, I don’t really mind much what the weather does, but it affects the mood of everyone else on board and it can limit your enjoyment of a place when you’re too busy picking your way through the puddles to look up and admire the view.

How big is the town? Are there any sites to see? If so, how spread out are they? Can we do them all in the time available? Where are the posh shops? Where are the cheapy shops? Can we walk it or do we need a taxi? Where are we aiming for? Where shall we eat? How fit is Mum feeling today? How fit am I feeling today, for that matter?! It’s not easy, all this enjoying yourself, you know!

On board, you just carry your cruise card and your card key to your cabin. That’s it. That’s how you pay for everything – it just goes on your bill. So it’s much simpler.

But going ashore is quite a logistical exercise. After all, if you forget something, you CAN come back and get it, but it’ll take a HUGE chunk out of your already rather short day. So you need to get it right the first time. Get it wrong (trousers vs. Shorts) and you either freeze or sweat yourself silly all day. Sun hat/ sun cream – forget them and you get heatstroke in New Orleans and have to leave the jazz dinner early because the room won’t stop spinning. Insect repellent? Forget that, in Cozumel, say, and while you risk a few mozzy bites that itch for a day or so in some places, you also risk being bitten by smaller, much more cunning stuff in Mexico that itches for DAYS and swells into big pink mountainous blotches that itch so much you wake up in the night swearing. Sandals or closed toes? Which often seems to translate as ‘wet feet or hot feet’?
Ports are hard work. In fact, so much so that some people never get off. Ever. They get on in Southampton and they get off in Southampton. That’s it. And I can see why! It’s quite exhausting trying to “do” a place in one day and to do that three days in a row is really pushing it some. We’ve never had this “three ports in three days” thing before, and I think we’ll try and avoid it in future. It’s murder!

I’m not complaining. I’m having a lovely time. Really, I am! But I just thought you should understand that it’s not all cocktails and sunloungers. In fact, on this cruise, there’s been very little of either – we haven’t had the weather for it!

If I’m harping on about the weather, sorry, but when you book a Caribbean cruise, do YOU expect rain?! No, exactly. Neither did we! We’ve had some shocking weather and some bumpy journeys on this cruise, which we didn’t anticipate at all. Today was lovely, and, like I said, it was sunny enough on New Orleans Day 1 for me to get heatstroke, but it CHUCKED it down on New Orleans Day Two, Grand Cayman and Ocho Rios and blew Force 9 and cloudy in Cozumel. Look at the itinerary. Seriously. Not quite what we expected!

I can still enjoy myself in the rain. But here’s hoping tomorrow is a sunny day all the same. Like I said, personally, the weather doesn’t bother me one iota. In fact, I’m having a lovely time. Very relaxing. Talking of which, I’m off to bed. G’nite.

* Food and Beverages Manager, the one responsible for all the food on board.

The weather isn’t any one person’s fault.  But it really is quite depressing when the weather is so windy and the sea so rough, it delays our arrival in a port, causes us to have to moor on the other side of the island to that planned and causes the cancellation of half a dozen tours. Primarily because this means that there will be more people clogging up the stuff that we want to use instead! Like taxis and so on. Of course, if I had a decent map of the island, I’d feel better about it. But there’s no internet access.  Again.  So we are reliant on the dubious accuracy of the port guide map.  Doesn’t fill me with confidence, I must confess.

Yesterday was windy but pleasant in Cozumel, an island off the coast of Mexico. Although the sun didn’t shine, it was overcast and quite dark at times, it was warm – in the eighties – and the day was pleasant enough. It was very windy, and the sea crashed over the beach and sea wall causing spray to hit us on the prom! When we went inland (the island is about 30 miles by 9), the wind was much less so we saw the Mayan ruins in quite pleasant conditions. Got bitten to pieces, mind. How on earth did I get bitten BETWEEN my fingers?! Arms, I can understand. Legs, even in trousers, are comprehensible. But between my fingers?! For heaven’s sake!

We couldn’t find anywhere open to eat that served food Mum would eat, so we ended up in McDonalds (sorry, James!), where I drank a Fanta of so virulent a colour orange, I was sure I would be quite stoned for the rest of the afternoon. Sort of International Orange (the colour of the Golden Gate Bridge and Easyjet). Quite alarming. I suppose Fanta looked like that in the UK before the restrictions on food colourings came into force, but I’m sure I don’t remember ever drinking anything quite that bright, even when I was young. I took a photo, because I doubt anyone would believe it otherwise. When I upload my photos to my photobucket album, you’ll be able to see for yourselves.

Today we are attempting to visit Grand Cayman. See paragraph 1 above for how that’s going so far. Suffice to say, it is 10.40 and I have time to sit and blog…

Much much later: very disappointing. Beautiful weather, gorgeous beaches, but the taxi drivers were vile money-grabbing swine who made unobliging an art form and the tour organisers from the ship deliberately made us wait around for two hours for nothing and completely ruined our chances of seeing the island independently. I’ve been annoyed with P&O before, frustrated and irked, but never before have I been this angry. We arrived late and left on time, so they knew what time we had was valuable. And yet, through a mixture of arrogance, incompetence and wilful vicious self-interest, they deliberately messed us around. I was incandescent with rage and have not fully calmed down. When will I ever get the chance to go there again?! Thanks a lot, P&O.

Today is (supposed to be) Ocho Rios. It is 9.45am and is, to quote Dad, “tipping it down”, so we’re not rushing off. There’s very little to see here, just shopping, so there’s no mad dash to get everything done. I might go and see Firefly if there’s time. This was originally a pirate look-out post but is most famous for being Noel Coward’s house. This area is steeped in pirate history. Every stop we’ve made, every single one, has had a guide telling us of pirate comings and goings. One man from the ship yesterday in Grand Cayman, who was clearly an utter moron, got all uppity when our pirate guide, Captain Splash (aka Steve the Canadian) said that Francis Drake was a pirate. Of course he was, he was just licensed by the Crown to do it to other countries’ ships and not our own! Idiot. He kept saying “he’s our national history”. I think he meant hero. No idea what a privateer was. Not a clue. Seriously, this is the calibre of companion we get on these things. There is no intelligence test to having enough money to go on cruises, you know. Any idiot can, and, clearly, does. You cannot even conceive of the level of stupidity of some of these people. Trust me. You know what? If you know nothing about your own country’s history, SHUT UP!

It’s still raining in Jamaica. Still, there’s John Cusack on the telly and Mama Mia at the cinema, so maybe I won’t get off at all!

I’m absolutely knackered.  I know this will not elucidate a particularly large wave of sympathy under the circumstances, but bear with me on this.  I’m not the most energetic individual on Earth at the best of times, let’s face it, but three ports in three days has left me so tired I can barely speak, let alone stand.  You will also need to bear in mind that we have gone back five hours in a matter of days, so my body clock is a bit fershmooshed.

Saturday was Nassau on New Providence Island in the Bahamas. A beautiful place. A very small town, maybe a third of a mile wide by half a mile deep. About the same length as the ship, in fact! Lovely old buildings painted in bright colours and ludicrously friendly people. Quite cheap but not amazingly so. Managed to buy a fair few things between us, though!

Visited Senor Frog’s. Quite a mental place, it really is. For the uninitiated, Senor Frog’s is a chain of bars across this part of the world and they’re a bit, um, mental. Not quite sure how to describe them. They have witty slogans on the ceiling (such as “If drunks could fly, this place would be an airport”) and congas around the bar. If you’re sloshed, it’s hilarious. Sober, it’s a bit harder work! I have now been to two, the one in Nassau and the one in Acapulco. I’m not deliberately trying to visit them all, but they are fun places, and their shops sell some very funny t-shirts. I wanted to buy “Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional” but they didn’t have it in my size. Oh well, can’t have everything. I bought “Save water, drink tequila” instead. Far more ecologically sound a message, don’t you think? After all, water is a precious resource

I went sightseeing on foot and was astonished how far I walked, considering how small the town is, but my feet were screaming by the time we boarded in the evening. After dinner I had to charge my camera, download my photos, print the best ones and update my diary/scrapbook, so that it was all done before the next port in the morning, so that I didn’t forget anything or miss anything out. Took me til midnight to get it all done.

Sunday was Port Everglades. Had an earlier start than planned. Had to be “immigrated” (yes, that really is a word, apparently) into the United States during the morning, but my neighbours decided I needed to be woken up at quarter to FIVE to hear their drawers and cupboards being opened and closed, which was nice. Watched Vantage Point to pass the time until everyone else got up. Caught a free shuttle bus to the local mall (we had time to kill before our organised excursion). What a waste of time. The stuff was stupid expensive, there was only one set of toilets at one end (heaven help you if you were caught short at the other end!) and we think it is the first mall we have ever visited anywhere in the world where we bought NOTHING. Nothing at all. We ate a snack in the food court and beat a hasty retreat back to the ship to board our excursion coach.

Which broke down halfway to the Everglades. So we sat by the side of the road (in the coach, not on the grass!) for half an hour while they sent a relief coach. When we did finally get there, the airboat trip was AMAZING. It was so much more fun than I expected. I just loved flying across the water. It seemed funny that the thing is so light on the surface of the water that when it goes over water lily pads, they’re like speed bumps! There’s an audible thump as we hit them! We saw alligators, both in the water and on the banks and I saw a turtle in a tree! I suppose I’ve never really thought about it before, but it never dawned on me that turtles would be found in trees!

Then we were given a talk by one of the park rangers and then I got to hold Snappy, a 13 month old alligator (with all his teeth!), which was also deeply cool.

We then had to hurtle back to the ship. We made it in time before it sailed, but it was close! Dinner, downloading, printing photos, updating diary, etc. Bed at midnight again. Utterly pooped.

Today was Key West. Didn’t have to get up early today, we thought, but then late yesterday evening, they announced that the two cruise ship berths would be full and we would have to tender ashore. This means anchoring about 20 minutes out and piling into lifeboats to be ferried to the shore and this added an hour and a half to proceedings so instead of a 9.30 start, it was an 8am start. The whole process is slow and laborious and it didn’t help that there were 15 mile an hour winds and a swell of several feet, which not only made for an uncomfortable ride, but made boarding very treacherous and slowed the process down even further.

When we made it to shore, we boarded the Conch Train (pronounced Conk, don’t ask me why) which is a very cute little electric steam (-looking) locomotive on wheels which trundles you around the town while the driver (Marsha) give you an hour and a half talk on the sites and history. Very enjoyable and amazingly informative to boot. Thoroughly enjoyed seeing the architecture and hearing about the history of the place. It’s all very pretty wooden houses similar to New England style and all painted different colours, although mostly pastels here, whereas Nassau was mostly darker, brighter colours. The tour ended near the shops (which was nice) and we then pootled and shopped our way down the main street (Duval) until we found a place to stop and eat.

The food was lovely, although the service was a little, um, relaxed… It’s good to be in the States again. You can order what you like, with or without whatever you like and they don’t bat an eyelid. Superb. Anywhere else in the world if you asked for a chicken sandwich on burger bun not ciabatta, with no onion or tomato or cheese, even if they were willing and didn’t stare, tut, sigh or snigger, they’d get it wrong in some respect when it arrived. Not here. I love America, I really do.

Further shopping and pootling and then mum was worn out, so we went back to the tender to return to the ship. But they wouldn’t let us on. Apparently, as one of the cruise ships had left, Oriana was going to dock instead, as the tenders were such a hairy experience coming in. So we ate ice cream and waited for our ship to come in! Literally!

Mum and Dad went back aboard and I went back into town and found an internet cafe. This meant that I was in the right place when the Veterans Day Parade, about which no one had warned us, passed by, so I got to see that, which was nice. Then I had to leg it back to the ship so I didn’t get left behind! So here I am blogging when I should be doing all the downloading and so on. But at least, tomorrow is a sea day (AND the clocks go back tonight as well), so I have a nice, slow, relaxing day tomorrow, in which to get everything done.

So that is why I am knackered. See? I told you it was justified. . No one appreciates just how hard we work at this enjoying ourselves business, you know.

Here beginneth the Blog for this cruise. My apologies for the latest of the hour, so to speak. The week-long delay in starting has been due, at least in part, somewhat predictably, to bad weather. Not the hideous, leg-breaking, teeth-knocked-out, televisions flying across the cabin nightmare that we had on the last cruise we took, on Artemis, when we arrived in Madeira to find four ambulances lined up on the quayside waiting for us. No, this has been just bumpy enough to muck up the satellite signal. The majority of the delay was, however, due to a fairly catastrophic equipment failure. The entire ship was without any communication equipment for several days. Not the life-saving, steering the ship radar-y type of stuff, but no email, no phones, no internet. We have three golf balls and it was only the one that conked out (the antennae are spherical, so they’re known as golf balls), but even the Captain had no email! He had to go ashore in Spain and find an internet connection on land just to check his messages! We had to have parts shipped to Spain to meet us, or actual engineers or something. They never tell you what’s going on, only the bare minimum to get you to shut up complaining! Anyway, once we found out the Captain was suffering too, we knew they’d work EXTRA hard to fix it, and they did. Huzzah.

It is so wonderful to be back on Oriana. It’s like coming home. I nearly cried when I came on board. Some things have changed. The Curzon Room is gone, which is a terrible shame, replaced by a Gary Rhodes restaurant, which is apparently very good. We haven’t tried it, and I’m not yet convinced that I want to. They charge fifteen quid a head cover charge, which isn’t much for a Gary Rhodes meal, let’s face it, but the menu seems a bit posh for my simple tastes, and I dislike paying extra for something which is supposed to be included in the already rather steep price I am paying to be here at all. Single person occupancy supplement for a single girl using a twin cabin is, wait for it, 70%. I’ll say that again. 70%. So I think I have paid quite enough for my food, bed and board, thank you very much, without being expected to shell out another fifteen quid to eat the same stuff arranged differently. So, no, haven’t tried the new restaurant.

There isn’t much other news, really. We’ve only done one port so far, La Coruna in northern Spain. This is a new one for us, unlike the last port which will be Vigo, which we can find our way around with our eyes closed. I didn’t get to see the town, however, as I went on an organised excursion to Santiago de Compostela. This cathedral is built on the grave of St James and his two disciples and is the third most important pilgrimage site in the world for Catholics, after Jerusalem and Rome. We saw several pilgrims walking the last few miles. Apparently there are subsidised hostels on the way that charge three euros a night to pilgrims, which seems a nice thought for people who are walking hundreds of miles to get there. Very thoughtful. It is a quite spectacular building, with the world’s longest censer, I believe, although it wasn’t in action when we visited, sadly. Still, I came, I saw, I took photos, I bought things in the shop. Job done. On the way out of La Coruna (we left at lunchtime, bizarrely), we passed the Tower of Hercules, the only working Roman lighthouse in the world. Yes, Roman. Cool, or what?

We’re not completely out of the loop, so I am quite aware that we have a new President of the United States and I am extremely happy with the winner. I would have voted for him, had I had the chance. It’s always nice to live in a moment of history and I always feel just a little more important as a result, at least for a while. I may not be able to tell you where I was when man stepped onto the Moon, or when JFK was shot, and I may only have been one year old at the fall of Saigon, but I have seen the birth of the internet, the turn of a millennium, the fall of the Berlin Wall and now this. A black President of the United States. Doesn’t get any cooler than that, that’s for sure. I just hope that the Secret Service can keep him alive long enough for him to make a difference. Maybe I’m just terribly cynical and jaded, but I can’t help but assume that a lot of people are going to devote a lot of time and effort to bumping him off, and I can only hope and pray that they all fail miserably. Trouble is, it only needs one to get lucky once. Well, here’s hoping they protect him.

So the world turns, and our little vessel bobs along across the 31.5 million square miles of the Atlantic Ocean towards the Caribbean. Nothing else to say, really, so I’ll sign off for now. Ta ta. Try not to miss me too much.

Blogging, I’m blogging (to the tune of ‘Jammin”, obviously!). Probably my last missive.  From the Med – somewhere north of Algeria, apparently.  We have been able to see land, in fact, most of the day. I waved, although I doubt anyway saw me! On our way to Lisbon, which is our last stop before home.

Yesterday was Tunisia. We moored at La Goulette, which, I’m told by those who spent the day there, was disappointing, although I can’t comment cos everyone’s taste is different and it takes a pretty poor place to disappoint me!

We hired a taxi, driven by Ahmad.  Not the eldest son, because the first-born son is always named Muhamad, but with four children, two sons and two daughters.  They are only allowed one wife here, even though other Muslim countries allow up to four.  They also have completely equal pay here for men and women, which is also much better enforced than similar laws in the UK.  His eldest daughter is eighteen and pig-headed! He yelled at her down the phone in Arabic while he was driving us around. Some things are universal and demanding daughters are the same the world over!

We went first to Carthage, site of the great city built by the Phoenicians that warred with the Roman Empire for decades (the Punic Wars). Hannibal was from Carthage and set off across the Alps with his elephants to attack Rome, but the snow killed most of the soldiers and the elephants and by the time he got there, he was easily swatted aside. We saw massive Roman villas (the remains of), the theatre and the amphitheatre (one is semi-circular, the other is oval, in case you were about to ask)(the first for plays and the second for gladiators and lions and stuff)(and for those about to get clever, the circus was elsewhere and we didn’t get to it)(which was where they did chariot racing). We saw the basements and pillars of the extremely large Roman baths and the view over the ocean was breathtaking. We ate lunch at the best hotel in Tunisia, apparently, which was delicious, although the portions were so huge, I only managed to eat about a third of the cous cous they placed in front of me! The cheapest room is about £180 a night, in case you were wondering.

Then we went to the Bardo museum, where they have collected the most extraordinary collection of Roman mosaics, the largest collection in the world, most of which were almost complete. They were breathtaking. We then went to the Medina, the old town part of Tunis, which is a warren of small, covered streets. The tiny shops belie the huge houses behind them, with beautiful architecture and tiles and amazing rooftop terrace views across the city. Then back to the ship. It was hot and sunny and a thoroughly enjoyable day.

I can’t believe it’s all nearly over already. It doesn’t feel like the best part of three months. It feels like the blink of an eye. Of course, I’ll be glad to get off of this bucket of bolts, sorry, ship, which has been a miserable place to be for large chunks of this trip. Some people are staying on, as it is going up the Amazon next. THAT would be nice. But not on this ship. No way. Never ever ever again! It’s never met a wavelet it didn’t stop and say hello to and it bounces around like a cork. I’ll be glad to get off, which is something I’ve never said before. But then again, I’ve never traveled on this particular ship before either…

All in all, an interesting voyage. Frustrating, quite often, particularly with regard to places we wanted to see but couldn’t because they were shut. But almost all the ports were enjoyable and the majority of the sea days were good too. I think I’ve enjoyed myself despite the problems we encountered. They merely marred, rather than ruined, the holiday. But now it’s time to go back to the real world. And catch up on three months of junk mail, bills and telly. Has anyone recorded Top Gear for me, by any chance?!

Blogging, I’m blogging (to the tune of ‘Jammin’, obviously!). Probably my last or penultimate at best missive. From the Med. Somewhere north of Algeria. Apparently. We have been able to see land, in fact, most of the day. I waved, although I doubt anyone saw me! On our way to Lisbon, which is our last stop before home. 

Yesterday was Tunisia. We moored at La Goulette, which I’m told by those who spent the day there, was disappointing, although I can’t comment cos everyone’s taste is different and it takes a pretty poor place to disappoint me! We hired a taxi, driven by Ahmad. Not the eldest son, because the first-born son is always named Muhamad, but with four children, two sons and two daughters. They are only allowed one wife here, even though 96% of the population is Muslim. They also have completely equal pay here for men and women. Much better enforced than in the UK, in fact. His eldest daughter is eighteen and pig-headed! He yelled at her down the phone in Arabic while he was driving us around! Some things are universal and demanding daughters are the same the world over!

We went first to Carthage, site of the great city built by the Phoenicians that warred with the Roman Empire for decades (the Punic Wars). Hannibal was from Carthage and set off across the Alps with his elephants to attack Rome, but the snow killed most of the soldiers and the elephants and by the time he got there, he was easily swatted aside. We saw massive Roman villas (the remains of), the theatre and the amphitheatre (one is semi-circular, the other is oval, in case you were about to ask)(the first for plays and the second for gladiators and lions and stuff)(and for those about to get clever, the circus was elsewhere and we didn’t get to it)(which was where they did chariot racing). We saw the basements and pillars of the extremely large Roman baths and the view over the ocean was breathtaking. We ate lunch at the best hotel in Tunisia, apparently, which was delicious, although the portions were so huge, I only managed to eat about a third of the cous cous they placed in front of me! The cheapest room is about £180 a night, in case you were wondering.

Then we went to the Bardo museum, where they have collected the most extraordinary collection of Roman mosaics, the largest collection in the world, most of which were almost complete. They were breathtaking. We then went to the Medina, the old town part of Tunis, which is a warren of small, covered streets. The tiny shops belie the huge houses behind them, with beautiful architecture and tiles and amazing rooftop terrace views across the city. Then back to the ship. It was hot and sunny and a thoroughly enjoyable day.

Today was the last Luncheon. It was the Gold Tier Round the World lunch, I think, which means the truly steadfast, who have been on the whole way round. It was very enjoyable and I had a good laugh. The pre-lunch drinks started at 12 and we finally left the dining room at just before 4. I may have made some new friends.

I’m mostly packed now. I calculated shampoo and stuff quite well, so there won’t be much to take home, although I had to buy moisturiser and cotton wool on the way round, so I’ve got leftovers of those. And I overestimated the deoderant again. Oh well, better to have too much than too little!

I can’t believe it’s all nearly over already. It doesn’t feel like the best part of three months. It feels like the blink of an eye. Although, by contrast, Christmas on board seems a VERY long time ago… how confusing! I can’t decide whether I’m excited to be going home or not. I’d like to get a job, and a place to live. I’d like to see my friends, especially the nearly half dozen who have produced babies while I’ve been away! I’ve made some friends I’d like to keep in touch with, including, I’d like to think, Richard Digance and David Barby (although I don’t know how they feel about it!). But I don’t want to be cold. I LIKE warm places, deserts and so on. I don’t want to go back to snow and slush and ice and rain and wind and rubbish like that! I know I’m a naturally warm person, but I suspect that I’ve rather lost my immunity over the past few months!

Of course, I’ll be glad to get off of this bucket of bolts, sorry, ship, which has been a miserable place to be for large chunks of this trip. It’s better now, and some of the more stroppy crew are gone, but we’re getting off now! Some people are staying on, as it is going up the Amazon next. THAT would be nice. But not on this ship. No way. Never ever ever again! It’s never met a wavelet it didn’t say hello to and it bounces around like a cork. I’ll be glad to get off, which is something I’ve never said before. But then again, I’ve never traveled on this particular ship before either…

All in all, an interesting voyage. Frustrating, quite often, particularly with regard to places we wanted to see but couldn’t because they were shut. But almost all the ports were enjoyable and the majority of the sea days were good too. I think I’ve enjoyed myself despite the problems we encountered. They merely marred, rather than ruined, the holiday. But now it’s time to go back to the real world. And catch up on three months of junk mail, bills and telly. Has anyone recorded Top Gear for me, by any chance?!