Update on Colon:

After I had blogged (about 3pm), we checked the Horizon and found that our BOB time was 7.30pm. This is unusually late for a P&O departure.  Even more so, as we had pegged it overnight and docked at 1am, in order to disembark someone who was in rather urgent need of medical intervention.  Which meant that we were woken up by the lack of movement, and therefore needed a lie-in to recover. It’s very hard work, all this enjoying yourself!

So we decided to venture ashore and have a look, after all. We were told there was a supermarket near the ship, and a few bits and pieces would not have gone amiss, so we had a stroll.  The first thing we encountered was Immigration.  A row of tables laden with computers and wires, and three or four bored-looking officials basking in some fairly enthusiastic air con in a warehouse/ hangar. They had loos, but no seating, so we got our passports stamped and kept going. There was a handy shortcut through the Duty Free Shop, which helped cut the corner, and out we popped, onto a road that was closed to traffic, and we pootled through the breeze to the end of the warehouse. Where someone had constructed a shopping mall. VERY new and shiny, at least half the shops weren’t even taken yet, but with more security guards than you can shake a stick at.  This is probably due to the fact that the entire mall is Duty Free. It’s called Colon 2000. All the jewellery stores were upstairs (makes it harder to get away from a robbery). Downstairs was mostly discount brands and outlet-type shops. Nothing we wanted. And no seating. We arrived at a crossroads. To the left, was an ice cream parlour with outdoor seating, overlooking the water, and to the right, was, allegedly a five minute walk to the supermarket. So we parted ways. Dad went for a sit down and I went for a wander.

Even taking into account that I’m not the fastest walker in the world, and very few countries bother to signpost supermarkets, it took me considerably more than five minutes to find and get to.  Interestingly for a port that welcomes several cruise ships a day, virtually no one spoke any English at all.  Now, I don’t travel the globe expecting to be met by locals who speak like Paddington Bear, of course not, but I usually find that, particularly near the touristy bits/cruise ship docks, most people I encounter have a basic level of English, enough to be helpful, give directions and answer a few basic questions. Here? Nope. Only the security guards.  No one else. Not a syllable. Anyway, after asking directions from someone who wasn’t from here either (!), and getting two, apparently conflicting, answers, I found my way over broken tarmac, collapsed brickwork, chained off car parks and past the graffiti and closed shutters, to the supermarket.  Praise be for efficient air con. 

This was the most ridiculously cheap supermarket I may ever have visited.  Even the expensive imported stuff was cheap.  Duracell batteries? Doublemint chewing gum?  No more expensive that the local brands. Likewise Lays (Walkers) crisps, M&Ms and Heinz Ketchup.  I stocked up on crisps and peanuts – we never buy the ones on board because they are so eye-wateringly expensive.  The store was probably a cross between a Homebase and a Sainsburys. They had masonry paint and a toy department and the most enormous bags of stuff on the shelves.  Ever been to a Makro or a Cash and Carry?  Laundry detergent in refill bags so large, I couldn’t lift one off the shelf.  5 litres? Maybe more.  Everything was VAST.  They also sold household stuff, like the bigger Tescos do – disposable barbecues, ironing boards, dog leads.  The only thing I priced that I did NOT consider cheap was the shower curtains.  The cheapest were about eight quid, and they weren’t even very pretty designs. 

Anyway, paid for my purchases 15 minutes before closing time, and bid a tearful farewell to the air con in Super 99.  When I came out, I realised why my directions had seemed confusing.  Where I had stopped to ask for help was in the middle of one side of a square block of buildings. One lady pointed one way and one lady pointed the other. Because the entrance was literally on the opposite side from where I was. So I went back the other way! In so doing, I may have visited a souvenir shop and purchased the obligatory tshirt and fridge magnet.  Ahem.  Walking back around the other way was much more pleasant, because it was along a continuation of the posh frontage of the Duty Free Mall of earlier.  It was also shorter.  I found dad in no time, and went to join the queue for the World’s Slowest Ice Cream Servers ™ inside the Gelateri.  A very nice man kept my place in the queue while I had a sit down, and then he made the lady in front of him let me go first!  Very sweet of him.  The ice cream was divine, when it finally materialised.  And, again, not expensive. About the same as from an ice cream van in the UK. Way cheaper than Dessert MK, for the Neotians. Oddly, they specialised in sundaes made with fresh cookies, which were under heated lights at one end of the counter while the ice creams were at the other end (over 20 flavours), with the till inbetween.  What with the air con, I dread to think what their leccy bill comes to!

We then tried to return to the ship. Which we were sitting looking at.  As the Rotterdam had just arrived on the evening tide and moored up next to us, and was beginning to disgorge its thousands of Americans (it is a Holland America ship with at least four more decks than us), discretion seemed the better part of valour, and we left.  However, between us and the Aurora was a fenced off construction area.  We literally had to walk back through the Duty Free Mall and then back down the length of the two Immigration warehouses, then back through the length of those warehouses, to get back to the gangplank.  Needless to say, Dad had to have a sit down halfway.  Thank heavens for the English-speaking and decent security guards, who offered him the only seat in existence.  Not like the girls in the shop. They had put the shutters down, and when we knocked and asked them to let us use the shortcut again, for Dad’s sake, they point blank refused.  Unnecessarily unkind.  I don’t like spiteful people or prejudiced people and these two girls were both.  I will be writing to their proprietors. 

So we’ve mentioned run down, and we’ve mentioned construction sites.  What I haven’t mentioned is that there were virtually no people or cars.  Those who ventured further into town came back using words like derelict, war torn, bombed out, etc. It isn’t really war damaged. It’s just VERY run down here. Apparently, they are working to improve the whole town, which they have started with the cruise dockside, but apparently, they have moved everybody out while they do it! Hence all the neglect and unrepaired damage.  Now, granted, part of the desolation was due to the fact that we were in a Christian country on a Sunday (thanks, P&O), so smaller shops and, unfortunately, both the pharmacies I passed, were closed, but the entire place seemed to be a work in progress.  Hence why the P&O excursions all headed out of town at the first opportunity!

As regards accessibility, as long as you stick to the mall near the water, the paving is as smooth as a baby’s bum, but further afield, you’ll need to walk in the road to get even the impression of a smooth surface.  They have VERY high kerbs, and none of them have dips.  There are one or two ramps to get you from down to up and back again, but they’re fairly few and far between.  And, unless you want an ice cream, there is NOWHERE, and I mean nowhere, to sit down.  Not even a bollard or flower bed to perch on for a breather.  This is NOT an easy place for those with impaired mobility of any level. I dread to think how the visually impaired would cope.

Once we had napped/ attempted to recover, we joined Ian and Lesley for the Syndicate Quiz. We gave up for a while, but we decided we didn’t want our enjoyment blighted by the Buggers Who Keep Winning, so we gave it another go.  We didn’t do badly. I think we ended up with 11 out of 20. Bearing in mind that at least three tables didn’t make it to double figures, that was pretty respectable. Even the BWKW only got 15 out of 20! They still won, of course, but we were pleased enough. Although if the quiz lady had been able to pronounce Haydn correctly, that would have been nice!

There is a very adorable little trend on board, of couples wearing matching outfits or as near as possible.  They’re so cute!

Today was the Panama Canal.  This was a half transit. This means it’s just a jaunt for cruise passengers to say they’ve done it.  We entered from the north end, went through the Gatun Locks (I’m told we used the new set, not the old ones – don’t know why, we’re small enough to use the older ones), cruised around the lake in the middle for a bit, and then came back out through the same Gatun Locks and northern entrance.  Much muttering on the Facebook page this evening about the eco-dreadfulness of spending so much money and fuel on this. 

The person doing the commentary through the canal knew precisely ZERO about the Canal, and Dad was very unimpressed with his performance.  We once had the most amazing commentator, who was a fount of knowledge.  Apparently, P&O don’t pay speakers for actually knowing what they’re talking about anymore.  The same man is advertised as giving a talk tomorrow morning about the history of P&O.  His advert reads, “Recently, P&O Cruises celebrated its 200th Anniversary, tracing its roots back to 1822…” No, it didn’t. It had its 175th Anniversary in 2012. It was founded in 1837 and is the world’s oldest passenger cruise line.  As only twelve years have elapsed since, I might venture to suggest that, using simple mathematics, we haven’t experienced 25 years.  It may have FELT like 25 years, but it was actually only twelve.  We know this because (a) I wrote a piece for Cruise International Magazine about the anniversary and history of the line, and (b) we were on board for the celebrations.  FFS.  Unlikely to be leaping out of bed to attend that one tomorrow morning. I mean, how hard can it be? Google is everyone’s friend, these days.  And Google got the date right. Yes, I checked.