So, the day we arrived in Madeira was the day we met up with the warm weather. 24 in the shade and sunny. People promptly hurried ashore in search of cheap internet (it is now £11 a day, minimum, on board, £18 if you want video calling whassnames). Tip for future cruisers: follow the crew. They ALWAYS know where the best wifi is in any port. Currently, allegedly, the best signal in Funchal is at McDonalds.

We decided not to go ashore. We’ve been to Madeira plenty, and we wanted to start relaxing in earnest.  MUCH sleeping ensued. In the blissful cool of our cabin.  We did stick our heads out long enough to hear the first passenger complain about the heat, mind you. Literally hours after we arrived in the warmth. There really is no pleasing some people!

For fans of heat and humidity, I currently recommend the Lido Deck by the Crystal Pool. In order to avoid what the Bridge calls “passing showers”, the roof has stayed closed from Southampton, so it’s distinctly warm and wet there, although the pool is not (currently) trying to escape. Interestingly, we now have a lifeguard on duty during the day! His badge says Pool Supervisor, but he agrees he is the lifeguard! I don’t think we’ve ever had a lifeguard before, and we’ve been cruising for nearly 25 years now. Maybe he’s there for the safety of the babies that the signs warn us are not allowed in the water in nappies. Aurora has been an adults-only ship for at least a decade. Mind you, these are the same signs that say ‘Enter at your own risk – no lifeguard on duty’, so there’s that.

Interestingly, it seems that the warmest place in our cabin currently is in the fridge! I have now informed Reception and they assured me that a Ventilation Engineer will come and take a look. When I queried the choice of engineer, the lovely Kobe (remember him from last year?!) explained that keeping the air cool for the humans and keeping the snacks and booze cool in the fridge is, essentially, the same skill. I’ll take his word for it, for now and see how it goes! Right now, the chocolate is terribly visible, because it’s out in the cool, rather than hidden in it! Obviously, there is no actual booze. Well, apart from the free champagne we get for being loyal customers. Half bottle, don’t get too excited.

There is zero Haribo Happy Cola on board. The shop manager PROMISED me there would be some, but apparently it wasn’t delivered. So I am FORCED, forced, I tell you, to resort to Tangfastics. Tut. Dad is now also addicted.

The junior waiter’s name is Amar, with the stress on the first syllable.  Nihal is an origami expert, which is going to be fun.  Jelly with bovine gelatine is fine.  Cleo turned up today with a list of the Hermolis frozen meals they currently have in stock, and asked me which ones I might like. I chose a few and she will go and check which are gf. I’m guessing the answer will be zero, but I appreciate her optimism.

The muzak atrocities continue, sadly.  Today, despite my best efforts to tune it out, I was subjected to Danny Boy picked out on a bass guitar, Goldfinger on what sounded like an oboe, and Get into the Groove on a flute.  But, on the plus side, I had a freshly-squeezed orange juice in my hand at the time, so, you know, swings and roundabouts.

New activity spotted in the daily programme – archery. Frankly, the mind boggles, but it might be fun to go and have a go. I don’t think I’ve loosed an arrow since 1986, on the school PGL holiday in Wales!

New entry: Today is, based on the sheer number of emails awaiting me, Monday 30th Oct 2023. 28 emails. Of which, the actual Need to Reads totalled four.

Saturday night at the quiz was an interesting one.  The quizmistress got a quiz off an American website, so all the answers were unfamiliar and the Always Wins DIDN’T! Everyone gave a loud cheer when the table next to us got the vino. We noticed that on the Always Wins table, they were all frantically copying down the new questions and answers!  Sadly, last night, it was all back to normal.  Table 50 won with a ludicrous majority, and I had to complain about another wrong answer being given as correct. Pan was not the god of hunting, he was god of protecting the animals, and shepherds.  Artemis and Orion were the Greek gods of hunting. On the plus side, she pronounced the star of African Queen as Humphrey Bog Art, which raised a giggle.

Went to the theatre a couple of nights ago, to see a duo called The Tap Step Brothers. By ‘eck, they’re good.  Who knew two blokes tap-dancing could be so entertaining?! They ended with Lord of the Dance. They’ll be back on a future night, and I will definitely try to go and see them again.  During the day, they have been offering beginner’s tap lessons. Good luck to them, bearing in mind the average age on this ship!

Sorry if this all seems a bit discombobulated, but the clocks have gone back three times in three nights, and we are not really currently sure which way is up.  On the plus side, we are both now able to be up by noon, which suggests that our body clocks were simply set to Falklands Time, all along! South Georgia, to be precise. Don’t ask me, that’s what my phone says.

Today was Trek the Deck – walk a mile for Teenage Cancer Trust. Although I was awake before noon, I wasn’t up early enough to do my nine circuits of the ship. Aw, shucks. Lots of people sporting their TTD tshirts all day. It’s been humid and overcast all day, mind you, so it can’t have been an easy job. But, as we tootle towards the sunset, and suppertime, the sky is now blue with fluffy white clouds and the sea is barely moving around us. Even the breeze is now hot. We are getting close to our first Caribbean destination. It must be true, because today was the first time the explanatory paragraph appeared in the daily schedule, explaining that, no matter how hard you complain, the cold water won’t be cold, because the water around the hull is now too warm. So from now on, we will be brushing our teeth with warm water, and showering in warm water, even with the dial set to freezing. It’s odd quirks like this that make cruising different to any other type of holiday.

Talking of quirky, our bathroom tap has been put too far away from the sink, so if you don’t turn it on to full blast, it misses the mark and floods the entire vanity unit! Whoever installed it clearly had no idea how taps work! Sadly, the lovely circular bars of soap are now gone, replaced by a squirty thing that they can refill after you leave. Not all progress is forwards, my friends.

Monday night quiz: Another wrong answer. What was the 15th James Bond film? Well, according to IMDb, it was Living Daylights. We have a Bond expert on our table. He said Living Daylights. The host disagreed. Now, with the best will in the world, I’ll take IMDb’s word over yours, dear. It’s only a quiz, but it does annoy me when wrong answers are rewarded. Grrr.

As you may have gathered, sea days are fairly uneventful! You’d think this would make for excellent “plenty of time to type” time, but oddly not! And once we get to the ports, this will get worse, not better.  We have five ports in five days. Antigua, Guadeloupe, Jamaica, St Lucia, Barbados. Faithful readers will be well aware of how I feel about consecutive port days. Do not expect much prose for the next week or so!